Working hypothesis - Raw Value of Emotion.

While talking with a female friend of mine about problems with her boyfriend (what? I was bored), I came to a startling conclusion that all men are very similar in terms of their feelings.

So first, let me drop the theory on you.

A man can be simply stripped down to some raw value of pure emotion to which he has an expectation of empathy from others to understand that raw value.

Now, emotion may not be the proper word, other words that could just as easily fit are feeling, thought, and desire.

So given that theory, between men, it is easy to understand why we would get along so well with one another. Since men have this expectation of empathy, we can also give this empathy to other men. Now, since we already know what we are trying to convey to others (that we expect them to empathize with) , it is easy to also understand what other men are trying to convey so that we can empathize.

This explains why men aren't very verbal. We don't need to be verbal in order to convey our feelings to other men because we already understand what this raw value of emotion that other men have.

Now, when that expectation of empathy for the raw emotion is not achieved, the man who is expecting empathy may go out of his way in order to make others feel his level of emotion (the raw value). For example, if a guy is angry, but his friends do not understand this, the guy may go out of his way to insult his friends in order to make them angry too. His friends may be angry at him instead of being angry with him, but the intent is not to share the same experience, but to share in the experience of that level of raw emotion.

As such, this explains why men have very brief but explosive arguments and fights. There is a moment where the expectation of empathy is missing, but through an angry verbal exchange (or fists), the expected empathy for each side's emotion is understood.

A solid example of this theory is when a guy is sad. Instead of comforting the guy, his fellows might exploit that moment of weakness and mock him for being that way. From an outside perspective, this may seem uncalled for, but the exchange relays the empathy that sad guy is expecting. It may cheer him up.

Now, continuing that example, if his friends don't acknowledge or do not comprehend the sadness that this guy is feeling, he may end up insulting them, ignoring them, or go out of his way to make his friends sad, guilty, angry or anything. The actual emotion itself doesn't matter, it's only the raw value of that emotion that needs to be shared.

Now, this breaks down quickly between men and women.

The counterpart to this would involve women:

A woman can be simply stripped down to some raw value of pure emotion to which she has an expectation of sympathy when it is conveyed to others so that they understand that raw value.

Since men have this expectation of empathy, women do not respond the way men would respond. Since sympathy is not a shared experience like empathy, women cannot respond properly to a man that is looking for empathy.

Women therefore look for more verbal queues and are just more verbal about their feelings in general. They are good at expressing their feelings through words. Women are also good at listening to others who are expressing their feelings. Since they only expect sympathy, they only know when to provide it if they are told to.

If a man were to say, "I am sad", they could sympathize and comfort the man. But since men do not say they are sad, but instead express it silently, a woman does not know when to sympathize.

Now, this may seem backwards, but it actually makes a lot of sense. For example, there is the classic situation where a woman may say "you just don't understand my feelings." and a man might respond "well, why don't you just tell me what you're feeling?"

This can be explained by the fact that men know how to empathize because they want to be empathized with. Since a woman wants to be SYMPATHIZED with, she does not have the capabilities of expressing herself in a non-verbal way in order to be empathized with. This frustration is initially caused by the fact that she sees the man empathizing with his guy friends, and a desire to also want that empathy. But because she herself is not looking for empathy, she does not properly convey the desire to be empathized with. The guy on the other hand is used to her wanting sympathy (which she expresses through verbal communication) and when she does not verbally communicate this, he explicitly asks for it so that he can sympathize with her raw value of emotion.

Phew, that was a lot of philosophizing. Questions or comments?

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