Making the Perfect Sandwich

When I make a sandwich, I like to distribute all the items as evenly as possible. Basically, every bite that I take, I want the same amount of meat, cheese, lettuce, and tomato.

You ever notice that most sandwiches you buy in deli's and at restaurants always clump the stuff in the middle? There are a couple places that I've been to that makes the sandwich like I do, but for the most part, it's the center stack.

So that brings two seperate trains of thought to sandwich making. The first is my way, where every bite of the sandwich is fair and equal. Nobody is excluded, nobody is better than anyone else.

The other way is to have your mouth suffer through a sub par bite of food, enduring the hardship of too much crust and not enough meat. But the reward is to bite your way to the center and get a triple stacked reward.

I dunno what's right.

But don't you want a sandwich now?

Trial by Laughter, Death by Meat

This weekend was all about the Opie and Anthony Traveling Virus comedy tour. Saturday afternoon we had White Castle before heading out. They aren't the more digestable burgers int he world, so it could have been a very bad idea, but for me personally, it stayed in my system just fine. We bought about 44 delicious little tiny burgers for the seven of us. Four of us headed out. The other 3 died.

Figuratively. They died to us, because we were going to a comedy show, and they were just going to sit and dick around with video games and a box of white castle burgers.

There were 9 comedians.

Rich Vos
Otto and George
Tracy Morgan
Robert Kelly
Bill Burr
Patrice Oneal
Bob Saget
Jim Norton
Carlos Mencia

Most of you probably don't know who any of these people are, but they are probably the funniest people in the world. THE WORLD.

On sunday, we went to Churrascaria Plataforma. I don't even know how to describe the experience. It's a fancy restaurant where all the servers where suits. You have a little red and green card. When you flip it to the green, they bring out spears and spears of meat until you flip the card over the red. We're talkin prime rib, flank steak, lamb, ribs, chicken, tenderloin, sirloin, EVERYTHING. So much meat, so good.

We kept making each other laugh while we ate.

We almost died.

I'm so giddy

This weekend is probably going to be one of the most exciting weekends I've had in a really really long time. Oh my god, I can't wait. I feel like a coffee diva.

I hope it doesn't monster rain tomorrow.

I feel like i've been waiting for this weekend all month. Every minute, every toss and turn at night, i've just been thinkin about this dream weekend. Isn't that right, Ramone?

Good people (NOT YOU), good times.

I'm not telling you anything else, but your mom's box.

Tron demands stories

I always imagine that I'd meet my girl in a coffeeshop or bookstore, more likely a bookstore. Maybe we're both be looking for a specific book and happen to bump into each other because we weren't paying attention. After smiling shyly toward each other and offer our apologies, we happen to reach for exactly the same book.

We smile at each other again, laughing at the strange coincedence, so I grab two books and hand her one. We walk away in seperate directions, but I stop after a couple steps and turn around, only to see her stopped and looking at me too. We offer each other one last smile and go in our seperate directions.

It's not until I decide to buy the book and end up in line right behind her that I strike up the courage to talk to her. I start with something corny like, "So i see you decided to buy the book too." She says yea and smiles, and awkwardly turns halfway, so that she's not exactly facing me directly, but not exactly ignoring me and paying attention to only the line. She waits for me to say something else.

I search for something to say, not exactly sure of the situation, not exactly sure if she's standing that way in order to be polite, or if she's bored, or if she really wants me to say something to her. After a long minute, she gives up, turning away from me and paying attention to waiting in line.

I almost slam the book into my head, knowing that I just blew my chance, and the next 5 minutes is agonizing as she waits in line right there in front of me, but me not being able to say anything.

Fate works with me for once, and we get called to seperate cash registers consecutively. We finish paying at the same time. I'm a little ahead of her, so I open the door and hold it for her. As with all fancy bookstores, they usually have to sets of doors, so she holds the other door for me.

I stop next to her and knowing that it's my last chance, I ask her if she's free, and--after making sure I tell her I don't usually do this--ask her if she would like to get a cup of coffee together. She says yes, and well, the rest i'm not sure of. I haven't gotten that far in my daydreams yet.

Can't wait for this day to come.

/Random 10

I remember why I stopped going to car shows. The one I went to on saturday had the same ten cars that have been idealized through anime, tv shows, and movies. The girls are extremely hot, until you walk close enough to see their faces. Bottles of water shouldn't be more than a dollar. There's no place to sit.

Dunkin' Donuts makes extremely terrific coffee.

What do non-smokers do when they want a smoke break? There's an empty hole in my daily schedule.

Some things in life just aren't funny, yet, there are people who laugh at it and think it's amusing.

I really hate rebates. I forgot to send two of them out this month. Fifty dollars lost to broken promises.

How can you be friends with someone where everything they do doesn't make any sense and just disgusts you?

The dog whisperer is the best show on tv right now. It justs shows you how stupid some people are and why they don't deserve to be pet owners. The show proves you have to be a mentally stable person in order to have a dog that's not out of control. Fix your life before you get a dog, don't just get a dog to try to fix your life.

I've driven my car twice in the last month. That means i'm spending 90 bucks on a monthly parking fee to drive a couple times. Doesn't seem econimically efficient.

Facebook is one of the greatest things ever invented. It's way better than myspace or friendster. I love putting in fake relationship ties with everyone. Somehow i'm everyone's son/brother/father and i've made out with everyone.

If i had ten random things to say, this would be the tenth.

Failure

How do you tell someone they're going to be a failure? I'm not even talking about the people who know they are and tell others that they are. No, usually those people aren't failures, they keep themselves in check and rise above it.

I'm talking about arrogance. Who knows what led to it. Maybe a family that was always there to make sure they never had to deal with any kind of struggle monetarily, or maybe just being friends with the right people for whatever reason and just having opportunities handed to them without any real effort on their part.

I'd like to just meet a hot rich girl. I want to just be able to do anything that I want without fearing the consequences or worrying about what family I'd have to support with my income. I could just mooch off her and follow her around as she made valuable career choices. After all, as a career woman she needs to show that she's in a relationship. It benefits both her and me. And in my off times, I could write books or draw pictures. I can make money off that right? I can call getting in a lucky relationship a career, right?

Maybe I should have just went to school as long as I could. I mean, there's double majors and supplimental education, there's masters and doctrines and second masters and second doctrines. I could go to graduate school forever, and never accomplish anything other than learning how to memorize something. All those papers would look so great, and I'd have physical proof that i'm better than everyone.

Never mind that my annual income for the last 15 years I was in school was less than five thousand dollars, because I just keep getting loans, and whatever the loans can't cover, I ask my parents for. And my parents always pay because they have high hopes that when I finally finish getting all these pieces of paper, they can just live off of my salary forever. Never mind that if I took a minute to think about how many years I didn't make any money and how much money was invested in me, that i'd be in debt to the loaners and my family until I was 50 years old.

Usually these people end up having some sort of success in their lives. Did they really earn it though? Can you really have earned something if you never struggled to get it?

I just want to tell these people that they'll be failures. I want them to have that fear in them so that every day, they have to reevaluate their existance and see if they aren't just having their hand held by their parents, their significant others, or the like.

Are you really earning your place in this world, or are you a failure being held up by others?