Taiwan Over

Technically, I should still be in Taiwan, but due to bad timing, a self hatred based on my illiteracy, and too much time to think, I came back to the US. The bad timing was due to the fact that my cousins were all going back to school, so I spent alot of time just sitting at home, thinking about what I would do when I got back. Well, the illiteracy is pretty much explained. Just read the previous entry.

And really, who would want to cut a trip to their homeland short? It's such a wonderous place, a land filled with dollar packs of cigarettes and 5 course meals for 4 bucks. But it's also filled with anal retentive relatives that won't eat anything but seafood when we go out to eat, so those scrumptious 4 dollar meals are non-existant for me. Instead, i'm forced to eat succulent raw lobster tails, 16 inch long fish in the best ginger sauce ever, all sorts of sashimi, and other sea creatures i've never even heard of in chinese or english. Ten course meal, 12 people, about 125 american dollars. Twelve people couldn't eat that well at red lobster for 125 dollars. You're probably saying how can that be horrible? Well, it's not horrible the first time, it's awesome. But then you go again the next day, and the day after. Soon the lobster displayed with his own cut up lobster tail is staring at you, and you feel the incredible urge to throw up.

My trip wasn't a complete waste. I saw all my family members, I bought everything I wanted to buy, and I had a much greater appreciation of the differences between Taiwan and America. In the final tally though, I'd rather be in America.

My plane trip back was memorable as well. My seat was an aisle seat in the middle of the boeing 747. It was the first row in the back half, and lucky for me, no seats in front. There was plenty of leg room. But I was in the middle column, and though I was comfortable in my aisle seat with plenty of leg room, the guy sitting next to me didn't fair so well. I was to his right, and to his left, was a husky man around my age. If i had to guess at his ethnicity, I would say that he was half asian. He spoke english, and from the brief exchanged with our stewardesses, it seemed like he understood chinese.

Well, the husky half-asian was pretty obnoxious. He had broad shoulders and fat pudgy arms, but he lounged in his seat like he was the only one there. He spilled into my neighbor's seat, his shoulders well over the boundaries of the armrest, and his elbows extended even further. Usually, I would find this amusing, but it affected my comfort, so I spent a good part of the 11 hour flight over the pacific being annoyed at his half-breed ass. His lack of boundaries forced my neighbor to have to shift toward me the whole flight, my left arm didn't know where it was suppose to be for 11 hours.

The poor guy was actually quite conscious of this fact though, and he spent a good portion of the flight sitting forward, with his elbows on his knees. He actually fell asleep in that position. After a while of seeing this, I softened up. Whenever he awoke from his horrible sleep and leaned back, I shifted obviously toward the aisle, trying to silently tell him it was alright if he wanted to lean over the arm rest we shared. If fatty half-whitey didn't want to work together, we would. We would share the agony together on this long flight.

He looked over my way, stretched a little, and leaned forward again, elbows on his knees, and proceeded to sleep a few more hours. I shrugged and stretched my elbows out. Might as well take advantage of his suffering.

This other girl went to the bathroom every hour. I didn't notice it was her that kept getting up until after the third time, and I couldn't imagine what she was drinking. The airline hardly gave enough liquid to produce urine. Those little tiny cups hold like half an ounce of beverage. When the girl came out of the bathroom, I assumed she'd finally emptied out her apparently useless bladder, and she'd be good to go for the rest of the trip. She stops at the water fountain next to the bathroom, helps herself to a little courtesy cup, fills it, and swallows it down. Then she refills the cup and drinks again. I mean, it made sense, I would probably need two swigs of that tiny ass cup to get the dryness out of my mouth. But then, she fills it again, and again, and again. I was fascinated and kept count. She drank eight times. Apparently she didn't learn her lesson on having to pee 3 times in 3 hours. An hour later she was back, and in the bathroom again.

When I reached Jersey, I was awake early next morning due to jet lag. I decided to get some McDonald's fast food since I hadn't really had any heart disease inducing food in three weeks. I ordered 2 mcgriddles, 2 hash browns and a steak, egg and cheese bagel. After three weeks of converting New Taiwan Dollars to american currency, I expected to pull out like a five dollar bill and maybe a couple ones to pay for the meal. The cashier said a number that began with a nine. I looked at him like he was crazy. I could have bought 2 pancake egg things in taiwan that are twice as big as mcgriddles for about a dollar each. A drink would have put it in the 2.50 range. Buying as much food as I did in taiwan would have only costed me a couple bucks, so I just assumed it would be doubled in america. But no, it was tripled. Anyways, I have no point except McDonald sucks and it overcharges on breakfast food.

This entry has become exceptionally long and drawn out. If you read the whole thing, I love you. But if you didn't, you're probably not someone I consider a friend anyway. And I hope on your next plane trip, you end up sitting next to two fat half asian that crush you between the weight of their meaty arms and force you to sleep with your elbows on your knees.