Too tired to sleep

Sleeping is hard. For me, it definately requires more energy than I wish to exert in order to sleep. It's much easier to sit here in my computer chair and move nine fingers around to type this long winded blog entry about the act of sleeping.

I'm a night shower person. Some people are morning shower people, some people are night and day shower people, and some people shower only when they need to. Me? I can't sleep unless I shower.

So because I have to shower at night, it requires alot of energy. I have to take off my clothes and make sure those removed items get placed in the proper recepticles. Then I have to take at least five steps into the bathroom. From there, I have to brush my teeth. Standing there and making sure I brush every single tooth properly requires a bunch of concentration and effort.

Then the shower has to be turned on. Of course, the shower has to be tweaked and the blend between scolding hot and penis shriveling cold has to be balanced perfectly. Then I have to climb over the tub, which at 5 in the morning seems really really high.

And I can't just stand there and let water fall on me. That doesn't clean me. My hair has to be washed, my face has to be washed, and well, just about everything else has to be washed. It's a multi-step process that has to be done right. Ever realize you missed a part of your body after you step out of the shower? It's like, crap, I washed my left arm pit but I don't remember if I washed the right one. You gotta climb back into the shower and start all over.

Yea, it's freakin hard to go to sleep... for me anyways. So the next time you see me online at 5 in the morning and you feel like IMing me to say "Hey, why aren't you sleeping yet?" don't bother.. because i'm probably going to say that I'm too tired to go to sleep.

I knew there was a good reason

The beach. The last real time I remember going to the beach was early high school. I mean, i've been to the beach numerous times between then and now, but that was just to go to the boardwalk, or run through the sand at night away from the crowded boardwalk. I haven't really layed out in the sun, attempted to play frisbee in the late afternoon breeze and dip my feet in the water since that last time, so many years ago.

But as I stood there, watching the waves rush back toward the ocean and pull the sand from between my toes, I asked myself why? Why haven't I gone to the beach in that long? What was the reason that kept me from attempting to set something up amongst friends and stroll down to the beach like we did today?

The water temperature was great. It was a little on the cold side, but if I had decided to go for a swim, I know I would have quickly adjusted. After coming out, the sun's warmth would have been extremely welcoming.

The day was perfect too, the sand was warm, the sun baked my skin, but the gentle breeze kept things comfortable. My friends and I just lied there too, no one really talking, just enjoying the sounds of the ocean and the sun gently basking us.

So why? Why didn't I come more often? I felt like I had to make up for the years I wasn't on the beach. I felt like I owed myself that much for how much enjoyment I was having. I could have been doing it for years.

Then we played frisbee, and the wind threw the frisbee off course more times than I can count. But after we adjusted for wind factor, there were some sweet throws. The frisbee would float midair in front of you, and you could just let it land gently on top of your palm.

We started getting aggressive and throwing harder, forcing ourselves to run to catch the frisbee. That's when I realized that running fast on shell filled sand wasn't such a great idea. I cut my foot. It hurt. The game was over for me.

After that, we packed up and headed for the boardwalk. I had sand in my pockets. I had sand in places that should never feel sand. Sand festered in the open wound of my foot. A general film of salted ocean humidity clunge to my body. My foot cried for some fresh water. But where?

I remembered why I haven't gone to the beach in so long. It's great when you're there, but it really sucks when you're done. That's a reason. A damn good one too.

Fuck the beach and fuck broken shells.

Those freakin beggars

He walked past my car, noticed my window down, and casually asked me for directions to a place that he obviously knew. I ignored him. Well, I didn't ignore him, I didn't know he was asking me until he started walking away, when I realized that there was nobody else around but for him to talk to but me.

Paul sure took a long time in wawa. I sat there in my car and watched the beggar after that. having nothing else to do. Through my side view mirrow I saw him intercept two guys at the end of the block. I don't know what he asked them, but he went out of his way to follow them back up the block, up past my car and all the way to the next corner. They ignored him after the initial contact. I was amazed it took him that long before he gave up.

From there, he paced back and forth, looking for somebody, anybody to mooch off of. He saw someone across the street and he shouted something. That person ignored him. He continued to pace. A couple of cars parked down the street on the next block and he casually strolled over to them. Unfortnately, they crossed the street and went another direction. "Darn it," I pictured him saying in my head.

With that opportunity lost, he came back down toward my car, looking left down the intersecting street hoping to see someone else. I assume nobody was there as he continued to walk back down the street, back toward my car. I really wanted paul to hurry up.

Two cars pulled into parking spots in front of me. He stopped and greeted them as they walked out. They ignored him and continued into Wawa. Then, two of the girls that were in the one car didn't go into wawa with the rest of the group. They waited outside and smoked a cigarette. The beggar paced back up the street away from them, looking back. I could feel him trying to think of something to say. At that exact moment, a bum came out of the woodwork and took a seat next to the two girls.

Finally the beggar found what he wanted to say and turned back around. I saw him point to his hand, mocking a watch. "Do you have the time?" I heard him say in my head.

The girls looked at their watches and told him the time. "Oh, thank you very much," I heard him continue in my head, "Hey listen, I hate to ask you this, but I really need some help. My only son died two hours ago and instead of sitting at the hospital as he was in his deathbed, I decided to pace around outside of wawa begging for money so I can buy some crack."

The one girl looked down at her shirt, trying her best to ignore him. The other girl, a softy at heart, started digging through her purse before the beggar even finished telling his obviously made up story. She pulled out a dollar for the beggar. The bum sitting next to her though, must have protested giving the beggar money, because right after that, she pulled out a dollar for him too.

And in my head, I was just screaming "NO, DON'T FUCKIN FALL FOR IT. OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" She didn't listen.

The bum, the beggar and the softy parted ways and I was left there, still waiting for paul. At least it was an interesting wait. If not, I probably would have just left him.

Fuck beggars and fuck paul.

That girl that I did have class with, but now I don't, but I could have, but not.

You caught my eye the first time I saw you. As we were leaving, you ended up walking next to me. I tried to think of something to say. "Hey, how do you like the class?", "Hey, I've never seen you around, what year are you?", "Hey, are you single?", nothing I could think of sounded right or appropriate. It was too late anyway, you were already walking half a pace faster than me, and my chance to say anything was gone.

Well, it was easy to regain that chance, all I had to do was walk a little faster to catch up, maybe turn your direction and just flash you a smile and say hi. Maybe this or maybe that I thought as I puffed contemplatively on my cigarette. Maybe you didn't like smokers. I exhaled away from you and shifted the cigarette behind me. Of course, hiding it would be useless, I was pretty sure you already saw.

You turned around by chance, perhaps looking for someone behind me, or maybe just to confirm who exactly was walking three steps behind you. I didn't know where you were going, nor you know where I was going, but I guess it's reasonable to want to check. Damn right smart for a girl to want to check on who's following her, especially in a city like the one we're in. I smiled casually at you, the kind of smile you give when a random stranger looks at you.

You turned around quickly, not even returning my smile. Shy? Scared? Startled? Maybe you were thinking the same thing as me and wanted to say something, but didn't know what. Maybe you looked back at me hoping that I'd say something to you. Maybe this and maybe that.

We parted paths after crossing the street. There's a lot of maybes that could have happened in those few short blocks, but there's at least one more in my mind. Maybe I'll see you next week.

Japanese Drills

I'm taking Japanese 101 this term. I figured why not, I have to take two international studies courses, and Japanese has always interested me. I love the culture, I love the food, I love the anime, and I love the girls.

The phrases we learned today still echo through my head in the same fashion that they were bombarded upon me. I swear, we must have gone through forty japanese phrases in forty minutes. This is a sample of what i'll be hearing in my head as I try to sleep tonight:

gosaimasu
gosaimasu
gosaimasu
gosaimasu
arigato gosaimasu
arigato gosaimasu
arigato gosaimasu
arigato gosaimasu
domo arigato gosaimasu
domo arigato gosaimasu
domo arigato gosaimasu
domo arigato gosaimasu

doo itasimasite
doo itasimasite
doo itasimasite

wakari masu ka?
hai, wakari masu.

Sensei, situreesi masu. Domo arigato gosaimasu.

Saiyonora.

Humidity doth kill me.

The huminity this week has virtually destroyed any fond memories I had of summer. I walk outside and within twelve seconds, my balls start sweating.

Of course, I've accepted the fact that this is what summer is like. Especially after visiting taiwan so many times, I just know it can't be avoided. But it made me think about something. How the hell can people enjoy saunas?

We're talking about a place where people go to steam themselves. I can't imagine how fun that is. With humidity the way it is, all it does it make me feel icky, and it makes the weather feel 20 times worse than it is.

Why would people put themselves through that artificially? People are retarded.

I hate 56k.

I remember when 36k baud modems came out, and the rush for internet service providers to well... provide this. It was lightning fast for the time, everyone was like, ooo, like how fast I downloaded this web page.

Of course, webpages looked like crap back then. We're talkin about boring regular new times roman text, with the occasional annoying fucker who made everything black and made the font DARK grey so that people had to squint to read it. Unfortunately, this soon caught on as the craze, and every damn webpage was a dark background with some annoyingly dark text.

Me personally, I got into the habit of highlighting all the text I tried to read with my mouse. It helped resolve the problem by making everything I read white on a blue background. To this day, I still do that. So to the people who inspired the internet to be dark with dark text, a resounding FUCK YOU to all of you.

Then 56k came out and it was suppose to revolutionize the internet. Wow. How quickly my days of mudding became lightning fast and my summer was eaten away by hours of online gaming... of plain text.

A year or so later, college started and I was introduced to high speed dedicated T1 at Drexel University. Now i'm spoiled. 56k? It's like trying to watch a snail crawl. It's agonizing. If 56k were a snail, i'd pour salt on it to put it out of it's misery.

So here I am at home, literally crawling the web on my laptap.

I really don't want to pour salt on my laptop.. that would just be stupid.

Joy is me, finals are done

My sleep pattern is all sorts of messed up. It's 6:30 am right now (duh, you say, i can see your post's timestamp). I'm still wide awake. I stayed up until 9:30 am yesterday morning finishing up a final project and final essay, needless to say, my body thinks this sort of thing is ok now.

I really don't want to be that person who posts about how long they haven't posted, but man, I really haven't posted in a long time. But in order to salvage this post-that-hasn't-been-posted-in-a-long-time post, I'm going to stop right there.

Wanna see my final project?

Check out VI's Divisional Expansion

Yea, it's kind of corny, but I had to be tasteful because it was for school. I like it though, maybe i'll roll with the idea a little.

Tick tock, finals week.

It's coming down to crunch time. I have absolutely nothing to write about these days. Argh, so frustrating, because I actually do want to try to maintain some kind of posting.

There's only so many stupid people I can write about before I get tired of them.

So yea, i'm just gonna worry about my studies. If a post comes to mind, i'll be sure to write, but if not, I'm not gonna force it.

Oh yea, I bought a palm Vx off ebay today. I'll take pics of it when I get it.... if I get it. Too many scames on ebay these days.