Fuck April Fools

I'm not going to do a stupid April Fools issue. That's gay. Why would you want to do something fake and try to make everyone laugh? Eff that. It's just a stupid date. Get a life.

April's Issue will be out tomorrow, submissions or no submissions. I expect to have a full jam packed issue filled with serious topics. That's my answer to such a corny holiday.

You'll know it when you see it.

The Piercing Cries

Together they walk into sombered silence, a group of black cladded individuals who could care less about who they impressed tonight. A lone man points them toward the other room, a sea of tan chairs dotted with black bodies with heads bowed toward the floor.

A cry pierced his heart, a sharp sorrow filled wail of one lone girl. Her face is buried in the palm of her hands, other girls hold her, half trying to comfort her, half trying to keep her standing. An open casket lays before the crying girls. He notices a face. Between the sharp heart wrenching cries of the girl and the open casket, he freezes still. He doesn't want to walk any further into the funeral home. He doesn't want to turn around.

"I don't want to see her up close" He whispers, fighting back the pain rushing to his heart. The pain of everyone's sorrow, the pain of Death in front of him, the pain of seeing another person lost from this world.

The others with him begin to walk, his feet move in unison with theirs though he doesn't want to see what he knows he's going to see if he doesn't stop. Before he can realize anything, he is there, facing the girl gone from this world. She looks peaceful like she's sleeping the most peaceful slumber in the world. Her mother is there, she puts his hand on hers. It's warm.

It's a joke, it must be, how can her hand be warm? He bites back tears and walks away, noticing the Mother standing there, rubbing her child's hands in hers.

He finds a seat amongst the rows of tan seats. Sniffles come from all around him, like crickets on a brisk summer night.

The preacher speaks, they sob in unison. The family speaks, they begin to wail. He begins to cry, not because everyone else is, not because it's the right thing to do, but because he had to. Because if he didn't, he wouldn't feel right. He had to for the parents, he had to for his friends, he felt all their sadness and cried for them.

He hates funerals.

Death

I shall remain strong. I shall stand tall when He arrives to take another. Though I fear his name, I shall not tremble before him. Though I may be ridden with pain and grief, he will not be the source of it. He is nothing but a delivery boy, a mule, a tool just doing His job.

Blessed be the children who are taken, for they are bound to another place. A place without hunger or fears or sadness or tears. They are at a place of happiness where they think of nothing worrisome, and do nothing stressful.

The emptiness inside me shall remain, some holes larger then others, but all there, all remembered in their lives... until the time He comes for me.

RIP Sungmi
RIP Phil

Application to be My Girlfriend

Name:
Birthday:
Sex?:
Are you hot?:
Do you have money?:
Favorite color?:
Favorite hobby?:
Do you cook?:
Do you clean?:
Do you play video games?:
If so, name your favorite video game:
Can you describe, in detail, the difference between FWD, AWD, and RWD?:
How about FR, MR, and FF?:
True or False? Long walks on moonlit beaches:
Sex on the beach, drink or reality?:
What are the odds on a split number bet in roullette?:
Innie or Outtie?:
Brown or Pink?:
Complete this sentence. Justin Timberlake is a _________.
Complete this one. You almost had me? You never had me. You never had your _____.
And this one. I really really like to give my man ______.

Video Games make me angry

Ok, I like the idea behind simulation games. They are games that you can pretend to be doing something that isn't feasible in real life. You know, pilot a tank, fly a 747 (into a building), and manage a football team. But, if a game is going to be labeled simulation, shouldn't it be realistic?

Gran Turismo is a car racing game. It's boasted to be the most realistic driving experience ever. You can tweak everything on the car, including camber and toe. It's pretty sick in terms of micromanage. The physics are most likely dead on.. I mean, I know what it feels like to lose control of a car around a turn, so I can say they get it down pretty solidly.

But, in a game so realistic, with such great micromanagement and realistic driving, why in god damn hell wouldn't the artificial intelligence be smarter? If you enter a corner wrong and have to slow down a little too much, the cars behind you just plow into you and try to plow through you. I think in real life, they would at the very least, try to swerve around you. The only realistic behavior i've seen from the AI drivers so far is that if you cut them off, they will let off on the throttle and back off.

That kind of AI though shows a completely lack of consideration, and in such a perfect game, the flaw stands out so much that it makes me dislike it.

Just like if there was a really beauitful girl with a perfect body, and all of a sudden you notice she has the biggest mole on her lip.

No. It just doesn't work anymore.

The it's still monday post

Let the car parts roll in. Vroom.

I'm all tuckered out

I just want to sit down, play video games. Maybe get all my car parts and go work on it. I want inspection to go away. I want work to not be work anymore. Where's my vacation? I want to move to philly and sit around, play with friends, go out on adventures. I want to be back to school, but I don't want school to start.

I want a one story house with 2 bedrooms, a clean bathroom and a nice kitchen with lots of closet space. I want a 4 car garage attached, with heat, running water, and all the power tools I can dream of. Then I want to fill it with cars.

I want to sleep, and wake up with all my tasks done.

Some sort of utopia.

Self Motivating Car To Do List

1. Pass inspection - To do all other things
2. Fix engine oil leak - To have a working engine
3. Replace Axle - To not die
4. Revamp braking system - To not die
5. Replace exhaust - It was a cheap deal

Do all this in 10 days.

Video Games Vs Cars

You know, the geeks of this world and the cool people of this world aren't really that much different. You got your geeky 14 year old playing rpgs at home all day and not doin anything productive, and you have your 22 year old 2 fast 2 furious riceboy reading up on cars not doin anything productive. They're the same people. Let me explain how they are the same:

Different Companies
Video games: Blizzard, Square-Enix, Firaxis
Cars: Honda, Toyota, Dodge

Different Genres
VG: RPGs, Action, Simulation
Cars: All wheel drive, rear wheel drive, sedan, coupe

Rivalry
VG: Import versus Domestic
Cars: Import versus Domestic

Better Technology
VG: Console gaming versus Computer gaming
Cars: Turbocharging Versus Naturally Aspirated

Modding
VG: Mod chips, decals, neon lights, upgrading speed and performance
Cars: Mod chips, decals, neon lights, upgrading speed and performance

Parts
VG: OEM versus Aftermarket
Cars: OEM versus Aftermarket

Community
VG: Video Game forums, conventions
Cars: Car forums, conventions

Labels
VG: Hackers, cheaters, newbies, gurus
Cars: Ricers, show-offs, newbies, gurus

Magazines
VG: Gamepro, EGM, xbox magazine
Cars: Import Tuner, Turbo Magazine, Mopar Performance

Ok, there's more, and obviously, you really can't understand this list unless you like both and know both well. I'm just saying that car people and video game people are really two of the same thing.

That's why I love both.

I must vent

I'm very very picky about who I call "friend". I've been down this road before, and I probably have numerous blog posts about this topic, but you know, I have to do it one more time. This is nothing more then to get some shit off my chest, because stuff happens and stuff goes away. For those of you who know me, and who are privvy to being called a "friend" then you know, nothing pisses me off more then stupidity, ignorance, and matters of friendship.

Everyone has different lines of friendship. Like love, some people throw it around too loosely. EVERYONE is a friend. That fuckin guy you met two days ago walkin down the street and you talked to him for five minutes is now your fuckin friend. No, not me, that guy is some fuckin guy I made small talk to about the weather and how cold it is outside lately. That's it.

Let's lay it out

So what is a friend to me? These are the traits that make someone a friend:

Beneficial: A friend is someone who can provide you with what you don't have, whether it be company, finances, or information--among other things. Someone who cannot provide you with anything cannot be your friend. That person is useless, he becomes a mooch, a leech, something that holds you back.

Sacrifice: A friend is someone who is willing to drop everything that they're doing to help you out, chill with you, take a hit for you, or even take upon your tasks when you aren't capable of doing them yourself. It is when they volunteer themselves because they wanted to save you the trouble, or wasting a weekend so you can pick up your car in new hampshire.

Appreciation: A friend is someone who knows what you have done for them, the acknowledgement comes in the form of returning the favor, giving you a gift, or it can be as simple as a thank you and a few words to show they recognized what you have done for them. It's the twenty bucks you "loaned" to your friend that you know you'll never get back, but a month later, he gets some bonus pay at work and treats you to dinner, because that twenty bucks bought him enough gas to get him to work on time.

Remembering: A friend is someone who takes a moment out of their day to drop a line, say hi, let you know how they're doin and ask about how you're doin. This could be once a day, once a month, or even once a year. It's an email, an instant message, a phone call, or a random driving to your house just to stop by and hang for a minute. These are the people who give you things for no other reason then because they thought about you. This could be in the form of a leftover sandwich that they couldn't finish and thought you would like to try, or a rock they found when they were on vacation that they knew you'd enjoy. It could be an old item you own that they like, and in the spur of the moment, you tell them they can have it, because you don't use it anymore (but you want it back if you ever need it).

Removed Barriers: A friend is someone who has crossed every line with you that a normal person would not be allowed to cross. This could be in the form of making fun of you, punching you, or raiding your fridge without permission. You know you don't need to ask because you know that they'll say yes. These are the people who have very little secrets kept from you (everyone is entitled to their secrets). They confront you when they have a problem with you, for whatever reason.

It's really simple

Friendship is a two way street, you give a little, you take a little. I sacrifice a piece of myself for you, you sacrifice a piece of yourself for me. My friendship here is not in question. If anything that I said seems contridictory to the way you have been treated by me personally, then sadly, but harshly, it may be because I don't see you as a friend. It doesn't mean you weren't once my friend, or mean that you may never be my friend, it just means that you have not proven yourself to be a friend to me, or haven't proven yourself lately (in the case of not being my friend anymore).

And sure, you may say that I haven't proven myself to you, so that's why you haven't proven yourself to me, but hey, that's life. The ones that were meant to be will stay, the ones that weren't will fade away like useless memories.

Take it as you will. I think I'm worth keeping as a friend, I'm sure you can ask my few but select friends that this is true and that I do all those things I stated above for them, because they would do the fuckin same for me.

Done.

Struggling with the web

Besides acquiring a new love, time stealer, and money leecher--and no, i don't mean a girl, i mean my car--I am starting to have less and less time. My passion for the web magazine is failing too. I just don't see the reward of sticking through this.

What I need to do is pick a direction and stick to it. Find a target audience that is as passionate in those topics as I am, and collect a stock of writers that'll write based on that topic. But what topic or topics? I like so many things from cars, to video games, to girls to pop culture to gadgets and trinkets and weird random facts. I'm not maxim. I don't have a superior budget. I wish I did.

Give me a couple million dollars and I'll show you the next biggest magazine to hit the shelves.

I'm a shitty mechanic

Alright, an air filter is something on the car that keeps crap from being sucked into your car that shouldn't be going into your engine. Understand? Ok. Therefore, as it stands, it should be something relatively easy to take out so that you can replace it. (how many of you clean your air conditioner filter on a regular basis? Please say you do).

Now, my new (old) car, the air filter is not easy to take out. I have been struggling for the past hour and a half trying to get that freakin thing off. Oh, the filter? I dunno, I didn't even get to see it. The stupid airbox around it is like fort knox. I just can't break into it.

Air filter 1. Allen 0.

More girls, less guys.

It's cool and all that people find my blog online and want to talk to me. And yea, I really do appreciate it enough that I say a few words back. If they keep talking, sure, i'll keep talking back. But even now and then, some guy will just come and say something completely goofy and random and just leave it at that. I really wonder sometimes.

Obviously, I wouldn't mind so much if it was a bunch of girls doin this to me. I mean, I'll keep them on the line long enough to feel out if they're interesting, then i'll feel out if they look good. Er, uh, i mean, it's not all about looks. But yea, come on girly girls, IM me. I want to be your sugar daddy.

20 hours on the road

First off, thanks to Tron for being such a loyal and supportive friend that he would basically give up a weekend just to carry my ass to New Hampshire.

Why did he do so? Because I bought a car there and I had to go pick it up. All of this would not be possible without him. Well, it would have been possible, but it would have really fuckin sucked. At least this way I got to spend time with a friend, get good food from his mom, and hang out with his car loving brother.

My new (old) car

1992 Eagle Talon Tsi AWD. Fast as fuck. The end.