Fuck the Tooth Fairy

So my wisdom teeth are gone. Ok, not all gone, just the top two. See post below for more info.

I walked into the dentist office with an expectation. I never talked to many people about their experience with getting their wisdom teeth pulled, but I had an image in my head for what mine would be like.

It would start with some novocaine in the mouth for numbing. The dentist would run off and let you sweat for 10 minutes while the numbness set in. He'd come back, sigh, bust out some plyer tool that would probably look very familiar to a tool that I would use to loosen rusted bolts on my car. He'd clamp that sucker down and jump up and down on my wisdom teeth until they came loose... much like how i'd loosen a rusted bolt on my car.

Well, the first part was true. I was novocained, the needle looked like it was straight out of frankenstein or something. It was huge. So then I waited, and strangely, I really had to pee. Like for some reason, asking to be excused to go to the bathroom was going to save me from having my wisdom teeth pulled out.

Ten minutes pass and the doctor comes back. My palms are all sweaty, i'm fearing what kind of contraption he pulls out to use on my poor teeth. To my surprise, he pulls out this screwdriver looking device. I had no idea what it was for, so I figure he was just going to do some inspecting before he pulls it out.

He looks at me and asks me if i'm ready. I nod, he inserts the rod in my mouth, lines it up on my tooth, and pushes. Once. Twice. I feel my wisdom tooth floating on my tongue. He goes to the other side and pushes. Once. Twice. Three times. I don't feel any pain, but I feel the vibrations of everything. I don't feel the second tooth land on my tongue like the other one. I suddenly have this feel that he cracked my tooth or something, and he's going to have to extract it in a more painful fashion. I stop breathing. I'm not a big fan of pain.

And then he says "i'm done". I'm still holding my breath. I don't believe him. Then the nurse says the same thing and asks me to spit. I do. Then I start breathing again.

So besides the agonizingly long wait, the hole process took maybe 8 seconds. No pain, nothin.

Two days later, the bleeding has completely stopped. I have no major problems except the holes where the teeth used to be are kind of sensitive.. and well, they're big holes still. Everyone has been asking me about if I can eat food or if my cheeks are swollen and stuff, and well, they aren't. My teeth actually grew out, so the process is alot easier.

My bottom teeth on the other hand are going to cause me all sorts of pain. Those are ingrown and need to be surgically removed.

I know you want to see them. So here they are in all their dried bloody glory. Yea, I didn't even bother cleaning them or anything. I like the naturalness.



I put those fuckers under my pillow before I went to sleep... and they were still there in the morning.

Fuck you tooth fairy.