I notice most of my posts are geared toward things that I hate, so in an effort to reverse any negative imagery of me being a hateful spiteful cynical sarcastic dick who thinks he's better then everyone else (which is probably true to some regard), I will write about all the things I love in life. But first, I have to get one thing off my chest.
I hate car repair shops. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. If i could fucking afford 8000 dollars worth of tools and machines, and actually have a place to house all those items, I would never go to a repair shop. Alright so let me just list some things that I know I could do if I were so properly equiped to do so starting from simple things:
Oil changes: Fuck you, I know how to do this. It's simple. You fuckin unscrew this bolt, let your oil drain, change your effin filter, put that bolt back, and throw some new oil in and go. But do you think I really want to do this procedure in the middle of philadelphia? What am I going to do? Jack my car up on the side of the road and drain my oil? And shit, where am I going to dump the oil? I can't just throw it in the woods like i do back home--er.. i mean, recycle it in an appropriate and environmentally friendly manner. Solution: Garage and large container to house old fluid.
Rusted bolts: Yes. These things are notorious on cars. Especially my car which is now approaching six years old. That's right, you have a bolt sit there for six years constantly being assaulted by water, and what do you get? For you who are physics and chemistry impaired, it's called oxidation. That's right. Rust. The shitty thing about rust is that it starts to turn things that were originally two pieces into one inseparable hunk of metal. Solution: impact wrench or air tools and perhaps a lift to get better leverage of the car.
Engine work: It's not really easy to take out an engine. I definately can't do it in the streets of philly, since it would require taking out the engine, and having a place to store the car overnight without anything being damaged in natural environment. In the case of philly, that means random hoodlum-vultures who look at my car in pieces and think its an opportunity to strip my car and sell it in the ghettos. Ebay for the more sophisticated scum. Solution: Garage, engine hoist, engine block holder thing, big ass padlock with motion sensor alarm for when i leave.
Welding: I shouldn't have to explain this one, but for you slow people, it's when you put two pieces of metal together. Yes, it's like rust, except you're doing it on purpose for a reason. In my particular case, it was to add a resonator to my exhaust piping. Solution: A circular saw to cut the pipe, and a welding thing-a-majig.
And I can go on, but I won't. All i'm saying is I can't afford 8000 bucks worth of tools and equipment, so I end up wasting precious hours of my life as some dooschebag works on my car, molesting it with their cruddy oil soaked hands and doin shit half-assed because it's not their car, so they don't care. Notice also, that I said hours of my life, cuz it's not really the money that bothers me. I just explained why. Once again, for you slow people. It's 8000 bucks worth of equipment that they have, so that measly 200 dollar repair bill is nothin compared to the shit they had to buy. And yes, mechanics have to buy all their own tools.
Also, there's just some things that I don't think I would do by myself. Mounting and balancing tires, and alignments. Welding might even be included in this category. I mean, i think I can handle it, but I doubt I'd ever have to weld more then two things on my car. And of course, body work. Those things are just too specific and sometimes require highly sophisticated and expensive machines. Body work can almost be considered an art form. Those people deserve their money.
Alright, this entry suddenly became really long, so i will save all the things I love for tomorrow.
I'll leave you with a hint though. I love all my adoring fans.
Just kidding.
