The Unpossible Xmas Wish List

Holiday season has arrived. We all have heard about the countless people being pummeled and trampled during Black Friday while people with no lives ran into walmart to purchase 30 dollar dvd players.

Everybody has a wishlist for their holiday gifts. Everyone wants something. Remember though, the best gifts are the ones money can't buy, but money can buy everything. It just depends on how much money you have.

What's better, a phone call from your loved one on christmas eve? Or every time the phone rings, a diamond necklace falls into your lap? See? That's the difference between free presents and an eff load of money.

I don't really want much in life, but if you really wanted to buy me something, the following list is the only things that I will accept:

Siamese Twins Siamese Cats: What's better then one cat? Two cats stuck together!
A thermal detonator: Anyone who has watched star wars would want nuclear bomb power in the size of a grenade too.
A Military Issue M-16: My military friends keep refusing to give me one. I just want one. If I can steal a standard issue stapler from work, I would only hope they could steal a standard issue firearm from their work.
An X-Cube-Station: Screw the whole debate on which game system is the best. Just combine all three and give them to me.
A twin turbo dodge viper armed with gattling guns: Not only would be freakin cool to have a viper, but it'd be awesome to gun down sunday drivers too.
A working model of the ENIAC built to today's geek's standards: Nothing wrong with a computer that takes up 3 rooms, but it's outdated. Put some cool neon lights on it, throw in a water cooling system, and lots and lots of colored wiring. Put it all in a clear case with an easy to screw off panel so people can walk around inside of it.
42" Plasma screen Transformer Decepticon: Basically stolen from south park. I want a huge ass plasma screen with a remote control that has a "KILL" button, which will turn my new monitor into the destroyer of human life.
Two more hours in the day: Yes, if someone could make everyday 26 hours instead of 24, that would be freakin great. Don't play dumb, don't act like when it's 2 am, you didn't wish it was really midnight so you could get a full nights rest. Plus, we'd get two more episodes of 24!
An updated version of ROB from nintendo: Anyone remember that robot that played games with you? Yes, since I don't have any friends, i'd like a new AI robot to play games like Halo with me.. and when it beat me, it'd talk trash on me just like a real friend!
The Island of Jamaica: I figure if someone gives me an island, this is the one I'd want.
The perfect woman: Good luck finding this one, it doesn't exist.

And lastly but most importantly,
A Suzuki SV650S: I want a motorcycle, i want a motorcycle, I want a motorcycle.

I still stand by the fact that Christmas is about giving, not about receiving. I have long ago accepted that people only give things to others when they expect something in return. So since I dare to be different, I only give presents to those I want to give present to, and expect nothing back in return. That's nothing new, it's the same shizzle I've been saying for the past two xmas's, bizzle. So if you want to give me something, there's a whole list up top.

Or you can just give me anything. Truly, it's the thought that counts.

No matter what anyone says.