This post is titled: My day getting a work physical (or: The trials and tribulations of peeing in a cup)
I entered the building, filled with nervousness at the thought of what taking a drug test meant. Of course, as a sober-bodied individual, I had no fear of failing any drug test. It was the thought of having to pee in a cup.
I always believed that peeing in a cup as a guy would be easier then doing it as a girl. But all the girls I talked to had no troubles with it at all. I figured since that was true, then I should have no problems.
So as I lined up and took aim, I found myself passing the halfway point the nurse told me to shoot for (no pun intended). So here I am with a cup in my hand and a watergun with the trigger locked in the on position. How now, do I switch from the cup to the toilet below without splashing all over myself? If i didn't learn to work my weapon fast, the cup would be overflowing and on my hands anyways.
To spare you any more details (as if that wasn't already enough), I accomplished the task without looking like a fool.
After a slew of questions involving all the shots and vaccinations i've ever received in my entire life, they shuttled me off to another floor to sit and wait. I wasn't exactly clear on what I was waiting for, until they pulled me in, sat me down, and dropped a bunch of needles, vials, and a tourniquet next to my arm. I wanted to cry. I wanted to crap my pants. I don't exactly fear getting blood drawn for me, but it's not exactly my favorite thing to do.
So the tourniquet goes over the arm, and the nurse starts searching for a vein to vampire blood out of. She finds one, and in goes the needed. No blood comes out. So she starts pulling the needle in and out, in and out, switching different directions trying to find the vein. I bite my tongue off in agony.
Instead of just collecting blood from my bleeding tongue, she ties the tourniquet around the other arm and tries to find a vein. She escavates one without a problem, to my greatest relief, and slowly, slowly fills three vials with blood.
I want to pass out but I can't, cuz this little 5 year old went through the same thing and he didn't.
Couldn't let him show me up.
I entered the building, filled with nervousness at the thought of what taking a drug test meant. Of course, as a sober-bodied individual, I had no fear of failing any drug test. It was the thought of having to pee in a cup.
I always believed that peeing in a cup as a guy would be easier then doing it as a girl. But all the girls I talked to had no troubles with it at all. I figured since that was true, then I should have no problems.
So as I lined up and took aim, I found myself passing the halfway point the nurse told me to shoot for (no pun intended). So here I am with a cup in my hand and a watergun with the trigger locked in the on position. How now, do I switch from the cup to the toilet below without splashing all over myself? If i didn't learn to work my weapon fast, the cup would be overflowing and on my hands anyways.
To spare you any more details (as if that wasn't already enough), I accomplished the task without looking like a fool.
After a slew of questions involving all the shots and vaccinations i've ever received in my entire life, they shuttled me off to another floor to sit and wait. I wasn't exactly clear on what I was waiting for, until they pulled me in, sat me down, and dropped a bunch of needles, vials, and a tourniquet next to my arm. I wanted to cry. I wanted to crap my pants. I don't exactly fear getting blood drawn for me, but it's not exactly my favorite thing to do.
So the tourniquet goes over the arm, and the nurse starts searching for a vein to vampire blood out of. She finds one, and in goes the needed. No blood comes out. So she starts pulling the needle in and out, in and out, switching different directions trying to find the vein. I bite my tongue off in agony.
Instead of just collecting blood from my bleeding tongue, she ties the tourniquet around the other arm and tries to find a vein. She escavates one without a problem, to my greatest relief, and slowly, slowly fills three vials with blood.
I want to pass out but I can't, cuz this little 5 year old went through the same thing and he didn't.
Couldn't let him show me up.
posted by Allen M @ 9/12/2003 06:28:00 AM
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