Spring time always makes me reflect back on my life. Even in this bleak morbid where-did-spring-go type weather, I think about everything. Actually, the cold wet, not really snow but not really rain crap probably made me think about it even more. What better way to think about the mistakes you made in life then with pellets of sleet pummeling your face.
So broken, battered, and face half frozen, I calmly brush away the mortal pains and ponder back to the days of yesteryore when I was still innocent. I searched through the years and come up with nothing. Yup. I am a mentally traumatized individual. Not in a bad way though. I mean, my life consists of being with a single parent--a loving mom--who did her best to raise me to be something.
Of course, it doesn't help when your family values are learned though Full House and Family Matters with a little bit of 60's charm with the Dick Van Dyke Show and I Love Lucy. Save By The Bell taught me that playing tricks to win dates with beautiful girls and always competing with your best friend while using your other best friend was the best way to go. It taught me the values of trying to date all of my highschool friends, and all the while, scheming how to get the house alone so I could throw a wild party.
Anyway, I have concluded that I am a messed up child of the 90's just like everyone else in my generation. I'll just leave it at that.
As I was saying, this all lead me back to those times in my life when maybe I could have did something different to change the way things are. Perhaps yes, that would have been the best solution for me, but in my selfishness, is it indeed the best for those other people? I'm not sure. I think lives are decided on key events. Everything up to that point doesn't matter. That's why the straight A student becomes a drugged up sex fiend. That's why the gangster child grows up to be the head of a large corporation. Perhaps I, in my conceited universe where everything revolves around me, changed the very lives of those around me. For better or for worse? I can only wait and see.
All I know though, is that there are still things out there that I have control over. Things that I can change.
For better or for worse.
So broken, battered, and face half frozen, I calmly brush away the mortal pains and ponder back to the days of yesteryore when I was still innocent. I searched through the years and come up with nothing. Yup. I am a mentally traumatized individual. Not in a bad way though. I mean, my life consists of being with a single parent--a loving mom--who did her best to raise me to be something.
Of course, it doesn't help when your family values are learned though Full House and Family Matters with a little bit of 60's charm with the Dick Van Dyke Show and I Love Lucy. Save By The Bell taught me that playing tricks to win dates with beautiful girls and always competing with your best friend while using your other best friend was the best way to go. It taught me the values of trying to date all of my highschool friends, and all the while, scheming how to get the house alone so I could throw a wild party.
Anyway, I have concluded that I am a messed up child of the 90's just like everyone else in my generation. I'll just leave it at that.
As I was saying, this all lead me back to those times in my life when maybe I could have did something different to change the way things are. Perhaps yes, that would have been the best solution for me, but in my selfishness, is it indeed the best for those other people? I'm not sure. I think lives are decided on key events. Everything up to that point doesn't matter. That's why the straight A student becomes a drugged up sex fiend. That's why the gangster child grows up to be the head of a large corporation. Perhaps I, in my conceited universe where everything revolves around me, changed the very lives of those around me. For better or for worse? I can only wait and see.
All I know though, is that there are still things out there that I have control over. Things that I can change.
For better or for worse.
posted by Allen M @ 4/08/2003 02:41:00 AM
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