Another episode of Stupid with the koreans. This time, amazingly, no drama! wow. I was asked though, "why are guys assholes?" I'll answer that question with a question, "Why do you like guys that ARE assholes?"

Alright, time for another soap box rant. To all you people who can't get over a guy/girl, you need to chill out. This is how I see it: you are being selfish and think too highly of yourself. Look at it this way. When a girl (or even a guy) goes, "Why doesn't s/he like me anymore? What did I do?" S/he's really saying, "My god, I think i'm still good enough for him/her, so what about me has changed and why am I not perfect in his/her eyes?" If it's not that, then it's "How could s/he do that to me? I thought we had something special". Translate that to, "In my opinion and point of view, we were something unique and different, and in my mind, we were perfect for each other, but I don't choose to accept that I am not the one for him and he didn't see me in the same regard."

Denial much? Get over it, there is someone out there who is perfect. And by perfect, i mean LOGICALLY perfect, not just emotionally and in your mind because you have this desire to want to "love" someone and have them forever. Read: HAVE THEM FOREVER. Read: SELFISHLY KEEPING THEM FOR YOURSELF.

Why are people so selfish that even when it comes to this concept of "love" that their sadness and depression is just a way of getting pity from others to make their own selfishness seem justified?

And if you don't believe what I say, then you just proved my point. You're still in denial and don't want to admit that you are selfish.

That in itself is selfish.

In other news, part 4 of my super story is still coming. I'm having a sorts of writer's block, and I don't feel like just cramming it out without making it at least semi-decent. I have to get into the mode, but I can't. I'm in a dead and bored kind of mood and I need to find a drive again.

That's it for now.

I can't believe the company I worked for said they never got my paperwork. To me, that's a bad sign of what to expect in the next six months that I work there. I mean, I could say that the US post office messed up and lost the letter, but that's highly unlikely. It's more likely that someone in the company misplaced my paperwork and never sent it in the right direction. If that's the case, I fear working there will be like working for the government last year. That kind of disorganization will just make me not want to work to my fullest potential and i'll end up with another bad report.

I hope that's not the case. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. But If my paperwork is lost again or delayed in any way, then I will doubt their ability to handle business and work situations properly.

Just one time, i'd like things to work out.

I once again feel lonely, lonely in the way that I want someone to go to whenever I feel the need to, someone to hold, someone to comfort, someone to care for.

I hate it. I hate having it influence my decisions, my choices, my way of life. It wins though. It beats me, makes me concede, and then turns me into it's bitch.

I fear the actions it would decide for me. I'm afraid of the consequences. What if I should believe that I desired something, only to realize that I wanted it only because it was the most immediate response to my needs and wants? That would be selfish. That is definately not in my definition of love.

It has always though, felt so close with every passing prospect. That one person who might have been the one always seemed so at the time. But, it hasn't happened yet. So I move on, always looking, knowing that I can't stay and forever try to convince the obsessed to forget their ways and look to new horizons. I have tried before though and it has never worked out. So i give up, hoping that one day they might look back and see what they missed, realize they were blinded by their passion to see what was there before them. One day... One day...

When it's too late.

Part 4 is coming, but first, i'd like to take a break and discuss something very dear to my heart. Stealing women from their boyfriends.

What? Don't look at me fucked up like that. Think about every god damn romance movie you ever watched in your miserable life. Romeo and Juliet, she gets hooked by some chump, Romeo comes, steals her away and fucks her brains out. Titanic, some fuckin rich dude takes his bitch to america, and some faggot ass blue eyed mofo who can't act for shit and only landed the role because he looked good steals that bitch, fucks the shit out of her, and then sinks the fuckin boat.

Want me to go on? I can. Wedding Planner? Casablanca? King Author...Sir Lancelot ring a bell? Fuckin.., even Beauty and the Beast. So then, who is to say that I would be wrong in stealing women from their boyfriends? After all, every classic romance seems to have elements of that idea within. Aren't women looking for a perfect romance? If you said no, then you either haven't found a perfect romance yet, or are jealous that girls with boyfriends are lucky enough to have another guy chase after them when you don't even have ONE.

So come on, i'm just trying to do them a favor. Darwinism at it's best, survival of the smartest, brightest, most cunning and overall best. And no, i'm not that fucked up to actually go and do it all the time. I have a great sense of loyalty to friends. Bros before hoes and dicks before chicks. But i'm just sayin, if it was someone I didn't know, and the opportunity arised, then I probably wouldn't feel bad about it.

Of course, that idea goes against me too, because I try not to live life with a double standard. If some guy stole my girl away from me, then alright, I probably did not deserve her. Apparently the guy is better then me and can make her happier or he's smarter then me and tricked her. Either way, he has her and I don't. I wouldn't hate the guy for doing what I'd do. I'd probably thank him for it. Just because he showed me that she wouldn't be trustworthy and sooner or later, it would have ended on a bad note.

I don't know about you, but i'm gonna keep this idea in my mind. It may end in bad karma, but I feel justified.

Oh yea, and anyone who thinks i'm talkin about them or their girl.. psh, don't think so highly of yourselves.

Part Three of my super story:

It took me a while after she left my sights for me to actually come back into reality. I looked down at the napkin she handed me. In artistic penning, a treasure hoard of numbers in groups of threes and fours appeared before me. I felt like the richest man in the world, yet, all that I was holding was a piece of paper with a phone number.

The next thing I remember was sitting at home, busily typing away on my computer in an ocean of rings and dings of Internet messaging. The dull glow of the monitor was the only illumination I needed. The Internet was another world for me, one to escape the stress of reality and to discuss my life with those who were not a part of it. Of course, She was the topic of every conversation.

But isn’t it too early?

A faceless author of words chimed her response. Maybe, but she seems like she’s interested. It doesn't hurt to call.

Maybe. She did a good job confusing me.

Every woman knows not to just let a guy feel like he won. We have that kind of power. It’s all part of the chase. We want you to catch us; we just want to make sure you’re willing to try very hard.

The face of my companion was not important. Everyone on the Internet was a faceless median in which to share a secret. Some of the faceless would be known in person, but on the Internet, it did not matter as much. It was the knowledge and wisdom provided that helped me to live each day. It was the outlet for which I could yell, scream, vent, cry, and just generally clear my mind.

Another faceless window chimed its attention at me. Hi, how are you?

Hey, long time no talk. I’ve been doing all right. Some recent events have boggled me, but I try my best to figure things out.

Oh? Care to tell me about it?

I repeated what happened to me earlier. Thoughts of some other person, one with a face and a real life just like mine filtered into my brain. A reality check of sorts to remind me that this other world of mine was just another extension of the real thing. The rush of the possibility that in a way, every person I talked to had everything in common with me. We all wanted to get away, to talk to those who would understand, to express ourselves without feeling threatened, all done from the safety of our own homes. I shook my head of such realistic thoughts and continued.

Listen, you’re a really great guy. You shouldn’t be so worried about it. I’m sure she sees something about you that every girl wants in a guy.

Thanks, that’s comforting to know.

Like me, I’ve never even met you, but from our talks, it feels like I’ve known you forever.

“You can’t know me,” I chuckled to myself out loud.

She could not. My illusion of being a faceless talking body was twice destroyed in one night, first by myself, and then by another.

I thanked her for her kindness and said my goodbyes. The whirling of the computer’s cooling fans whined to a halt, and my world returned to me. The headlights of passing cars interrupted the darkness of the night through half drawn blinds. I sat for a moment, letting the lights draw pictures for me, pictures of her deep dark eyes, of her pure smile.

With the encouragement of my faceless companions, it was decide. Tomorrow night I would call her. I would just say my hellos and let her know my desire to see her again.

I crawled into my bed, letting the softness echo my decision and usher me off to sleep.

Let me take this time to define my screen name once and for all. I mean, I have defined it before, but not to anyone who cares. But now that I have adoring fans (all 5.7 of you), I feel it is time to share.

Mystic (adj): Inspiring a sense of mystery and wonder.
Mystic (n): One given to mysticism; one who holds mystical views, interpretations, etc.; especially, in ecclesiastical history, one who professed mysticism
Mysticism (n): Immediate consciousness of the transcendent or ultimate reality or God.
Mysticism (Philos.) The doctrine that the ultimate elements or principles of knowledge or belief are gained by an act or process akin to feeling or faith.

So, there you go. Straight out of dictionary.com. The religious stuff stays because I do believe that they hold a part in everyone's life. I just want whoever is up there to PROVE it. So go ahead, be the next person to tell me "But that's not faith, you have to have faith, faith faith faith, blah blah blah." Let's just say i'm still experimenting with all my options.

Stay tuned for Part 3 of my story.

Down in maryland. Yay. Just had to get away from the city life. Last night was very calm and peaceful. I remember sitting out on the porch, doing what I do, and just feeling absolutely nothing. No buzzing of cars, no dirty air and no bright lights to block the night out for me. The stars weren't out though. That would have been nice.

Oh yea, fuck finals. Just thought I'd let you know.

Damn, haven't posted in a while. Though, I have realized that not many people read this page during the weekend. Understandable, after all, who's the no life chump that's writing about their life on a weekend, let alone the one reading about it? Well, i never claimed to have a life, so sure, i'm a chump, but so are you if you're reading this right now and it's not a weekday.

So there. Loser.

Um.. yea.. if you missed the first part, read the entry below.

Part two:

The conversation that followed was as calm as the beach in the middle of a hurricane. My mind flashed a million thoughts, each neuron in my brain wanted to know something different and they could not come to an agreement. My heart on the other hand just wanted to enjoy the moment, to enjoy looking into her eyes and feeling the warmth of her smile.

Unfortunately, I did not know that I was doing just that.

“This is usually when you say something to keep my attention,” she said through an amused smirk.

Suddenly my brain came to an agreement with itself. KEEP HER ATTENTION, it said to me without further guidance.

So I started shooting my regular arsenal of small talk, compliments, and inquiries her way. She seemed to know my act, but generously played along in the ritual. I felt like I was talking to a psychic, every comment, remark, and question I spoke was answered in short fashion, though not always predictable. I do believe she had my attention more then I had hers.

The conversation though, lasted no longer then ten minutes. She was on her lunch break and had to get back to business. She cleared her side of the table, and started packing up her things. When she got up, so did I.

“Wait,” I managed to hide the desperation in my voice, “Will I ever talk to you again?”

She beamed her smile at me, “Maybe.”

“Maybe? Maybe I could call you?”

“Maybe.”

“Email?”

She arched an eyebrow at me.

“Alright, so maybe it’s not the most romantic way to talk to you,” I retorted her unasked question, “But you know, they did make a movie about emailing lovers once.”

She laughed. It was genuine. It was the first time she laughed through our short lifetime together. With it, I felt a great sense of tranquility, a sense of peace. I wanted to make her laugh forever.

She scribbled something quickly on a napkin and handed it to me. With a wave of her hand, she said her goodbye. As she walked away, I was waiting for her to look back. I heard somewhere once that if a lady looks back when she leaves, she wants to make sure you are still paying her attention, a woman’s way of making sure a guy only had her in his sight.

She never did.

I always wanted to do this. Every day/week/whenever the hell i'm creative, I will post up a part of a story. All of it will be continuating parts of a short story/novella. I'm not going to say that I will ever consider to publish it... i'm more just writing it for fun and for you, my adoring fans (all 5.8 of you).

So here it is:

It was one of those feelings from the first moment I met her that just crashed into you like a Mac truck going ninety miles an hour into your chest. She did not even do much, just looked up at me with her dark brown eyes and smiled. It was right then and there that the world paused to allow me to register her life.

Straight dark hair with a tint of auburn—a sure sign of being dyed countless times like I assumed every woman did—tied back with one of those hair grabbing claw things that only women would have a name for. Simple, yet on her, it showed the world her angelic face. It was a clever strategy on her part to grab the attention of any man. Below that, eyebrows plucked meticulously during lonely nights while she found the perfect arch, the arch that would say “here are my eyes, now stare into my soul”.

Those were exactly the kind of eyes that they were. A window into her very being, a deep ravine cut by her powerful river of a soul that showed purity, wildness, a sense of adventure and a sense of worldly knowledge. Next to her eyes, her sharp cheekbones and her cherubic cheeks complimented a smile of genuine happiness.

I was still in shock to realize her smile was being directed at me. It was only a split second, but in my mind, it felt like forever before I reacted. After all, how could I live up to the expectations of a girl who plucks her eyebrows for the sake of soul staring? What if she was not even smiling at me? Was there someone behind me? I could not look back, because if she were, then she would think me stupid for not even knowing when a female wanted my attention. Damn it, I knew I should have bought some mints. Too many thoughts jumped into my head at once.

With a clearing of the throat, I decided to just ignore my brain this one time and I ordered myself to walk toward her. She looked down into her beverage, trying very hard to pretend not to notice me, though I could still feel her eyes drawing me closer.

Before she could acknowledge me officially, I sat down not knowing what else to do in that situation.

“I know this sounds clichéd,” I said with maximum effort in trying not to stutter, “but there was something about your eyes that made me want to talk to you.”

“I know.” She smirked slightly and very purposefully, she looked me right in my eyes, “There was something about your eyes too that made me want to get your attention.”

*************************************
So? What do you think? IM me or email me (see right column for contact info). I won't continue it unless I get a decent amount of response. And if i do continue it, I won't be posting it up anymore.

So if you want more, you gotta let me know.

School sucks. I hate it. Not going to vent anymore about it though. It's a mixture of my own fault and the school for not facilitating people like me (ie, procrastinators).

Sorry I haven't been philosophical lately. Can't really be pissed and philosophical at the same time. Makes you wonder what kind of drugs the great philosophers were doing, because you know that if they were pissed, they would probably act alot like me. I can just imagine Socrates going, "you mother cow humping sheep for brains. What in the name of Zeus were you thinking??? You dumb ass poo poo brain, may the gods strike you down in the public bath house in front of your boy loving peers."

But then again, since i'm not a great philosopher, I can't really speak for them.

Well, school is almost done. After that, I can stop bitching about it and start bitching about work. It doesn't seem like I would, because they sound like nice people, but nice people don't make nice work environments.

I learned that last year.

Of course my computer ethics class puts me in a position where I have to argue video games in a civilized manner and place my brain on a piece of paper.

Ask anyone who knows me. If i were ever put into a situation where I had to argue about video games verbally, I would blow away my opposition like a puff of smoke. They would be cowering in the corner, wimpering like a pathetic wimpering thing who wimpers in the corner and cowers while he wimpers kind of thing (... no comment).

And of course, they are putting me in a position where I have to be civilized too. You know, like say for example someone said to me online that video games suck and they cause violence. Well, in that case, the argument would simply be settled with a "fuck you you fucking loser, go die somewhere since nobody will miss you. Why don't you go find some violent video game players and let them take their real world agression out on you, it'll make the world a better place AND you would be doing them a favor. But you know what? Sadly, you won't find any of those people, and if you do, the world was lucky to be able to put you out of your misery, because those people DON'T exist and aren't normal to begin with."

Unfortunately, that doesn't translate very well in an essay that will be presented to your professor who controls your grades.

This weekend has been one of the most uplifting (and horrific, but in a good way) weekends i've had in a long time. Not only did a two month stalemate with a close friend end, it all came back in a surge of heart to heart talks, leaving us, to what i believe, closer then ever before.

I won't dive into the details, because some of it may end up making me seem conceited (not that half of you don't already think i am), and the rest of you just don't deserve to know about me in that way. So ha. Go crawl back to your little hole of self pity and wallow in your dirt of despair, puny infidel. Muahahaha--damn, that was harsh. I'm sorry. It didn't come out to be as funny as I first intended. But give me points for trying? No? Fuck.

In other news, this damn korean girl I know is a little DURR DUURR in the head, and as a service to the world, I have decided to stab her and eat her heart. =D And she laughed like she didn't believe i would.

Alright, this journal entry is just making me sound like a demented lunatic (as opposed to a demented weirdo). So i'll just quit while i'm ahead... or actually, slightly behind... but then again.. really behind... actually, to the point of backrupcy and getting stares like i'm some naked crackwhore laying delirious in the middle of the street (No, i swear, that only happened one time).

Alright, i'm just going now.

When you don't bowl for a year... you really DO start to suck. Blah, I only averaged 120 when I went bowling today. Yea, i know, some of you are probably like "120?? that's GOOD." Sorry, i didn't mean to brag oanything, and I still don't... but a couple summers back, my crew back home in jersey went bowling like every day... and back then, I averaged at least 150-160. Eesh.

But tonight was fun. I'm not good with large groups, or loud places, but I enjoyed the setting. It reminded me of home and what it used to be like to chill. It's nostalgic.

In other news, internet is down for the gajillionth time. So for those who are like, "boohoo, Das Mystic is not around, cry cry, I miss my superstar!" Well, sorry. It's not my fault and I can't do anything about it. I do appreciate your thoughts though, and I will try to get back to you, my adoring fans (all 5.6 of you), as soon as I can.

In the meanwhile, email me. Those are as good as hugs in my book.

Or money.

Life for me is an everlasting struggle against conformity, society, and brainwashing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a rebel. I (seldom) break laws and I usually go with the flow. Besides, rebels are stupid. By doing the opposite of what everyone else is doing, you're still letting them decide your life. I'm a little more random then that. I rather do things on a whim because I feel the need to do so, not because something else affected my judgement in doing so.

Last night was a good example. Today was the last day of the meteor shower that has blessed us for the past few weeks. I decided yesterday, spur of the moment to go out and watch the skies for any meteors. It was around midnight and me and two beautiful girls decided to travel out into the countryside (about an hour drive) just to find a good spot to view the stars. Well, we didn't really find a good spot, but we found a decent one. I think i even saw a meteor or two, though I don't know if it was just my imagination or not. We didn't get home until 3 am, but it was well worth it. The calm and peace of the surrounding countryside provided the um... calm and peace that I needed from city life. (even though we did scramble to leave after what we thought was the moaning cry of a girl in the distance).

But yes, I struggle against conformity. I fought the superficialities of looking nice, owning the nicest things, and striving to achieve what everyone else believes they want. I struggle with society and pop culture: the need to do the same things that other people do in order to not seem like an outcast. Though at the same time, i am not one who does the opposite of society and becomes an outcast on purpose (which like i said earlier, is just as bad as being a part of society). And I struggle against the brain washing affects that society uses to try to conform us into all being the same.

I'm sure I don't need to elaborate. Because if I do, that means you don't understand, and if you don't understand, that means it's probably already too late. Just be like Buddha or some shit and meditate on it. Sooner or later it'll click, and what I say will make sense.

Don't end up being like me though, cuz if you do, then you really aren't understanding my point.

Often you can read a journal/blog/xanga/GaysianAvenue page and understand that each journal shows an individualist kind of style. Every one is usually different from the last, unless of course, there is some uncreative deadbeat who decides that s/he can just copy another person's style and write. They all follow some template and usually, if you read one entry, you basically don't need to read it ever again.

Typical Journal (of boring lives):

HI! This is what I did today! Nobody really cares, but since this is about MY life, obviously I'll just talk about the things I did, because everyone cares sooooo much about my day from how I brushed my teeth in the morning to how my head plopped down on the pillow at night!

Yay for me, i'm so kool, read about my life and then blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah, and blah blah, so then I said, "blah blah blah!" and we all laughed. Wow, that was so funny!

Typical Journal #2 (of words):

I have absolutely no glorious content or ideas to use in expression of my dull rusted knifelike day and my utterly boring life is made even more preposterous by my undying urge to illuminate your irradiant screen with my absolutely magical words of mysterious magnificent magnifying power. But with that said, my sensational eloquence of using a highly intellectual and stimulating vocabulary will utterly electrify you with a cry of brilliance and illustrious enchantment, like a comet in the night who glows in a memorable trance, fading out in reality, but still embedded in your mind with it's wondorous affects. I end this entry by painting a highly artisticly worded picture of nothing.

(read: I'm boring and i have nothing to talk about, but if i use big words you might not realized I didn't say shit.)

Typical Journal #3 (hypocritical ironic superficialness):
I hate haters, and I hate everyone who is conceited and they always back stab me. Then they talk about me behind my back. Oh yea, here's a picture of me, i'm so sexy, but don't talk to me, because if you do, you're a stalker. Oh yea, so and so also did something fucked up to me, she's so ugly and nobody likes her, I don't know why she even hangs around us.

I write this journal for myself and no one else, I'm not looking for a guy or anything, i'm just looking for a decent guy who I can relate to, did you see my sexy picture of my new belly button ring? Oh yea, my thong is hot too. Email me if you're hot.

*********************************

Of course, I am not perfect either. Alot of my journal entries turn out to be rants and flames against things that I personally don't like or don't agree with. So then, my journal is just as mundane, boring, trite and templated too.

Can't say the same for other people, but at least I admit it.

Well, i guess I should confess my homo-ness and tell you all that I spent 120 bucks at the Gap buying my new fall/winter wardrobe. Yea, go ahead, call me gay. I don't care. If YOUR friend who worked at the Gap gave YOU a coupon for 30% off, you'd take advantage of it too. Don't lie. Alright, sigh, i guess some of you wouldn't.

Well, in that case, shut up, i didn't ask for your opinion. Asshole.

And it's not like I bought anything that said "Gap" across the front--er... yes i did.
Well... it's not like i'd buy their preppy sweaters--er... shit.
... It's not like I think their jeans are very kool or anythin--damn it.
At least i don't buy my socks ther--- FUCK.

Alright, i'm gay. Alright? You happy?

Blow me.

Sometimes at 3 am there is just nothing better to do then write to you, my adoring fans (all 5.4 of you). Well, looks like my buddy list poem generated some buzz, since a few of you decided to IM me and ask me what group you were under. The conversations went something like this:

AdoringFan4Ever: Hi.
Mystic511: Sup.
AdoringFan4Ever: Ok, fuck the formalities, what fuckin group am I under before I stab you in the eye with a pitchfork???
Mystic511: Um... jeez. chill.
AdoringFan4Ever: No, tell me know before I cast a curse upon your first born child and capture your soul!
Mystic511: Uh... um... but AdoringFan4Ever isn't even a real SN!
AdoringFan4Ever: ... ... oh yea. right.

Ok, so i got a little carried away in my rendition of how people would just IM me, say hi, and then ask me what "line" they were under. Curiousity killed the cat eh?

But anyway, I know there's alot of you out there who read my blog and aren't even ON my buddy list. What are you waiting for? IM me and maybe, just maybe, i'll dedicate a whole group to those who IMed me through the blog.

How does, "They Came To Bless My Soul." sound?

Yea, you like that don't you?

Just thought i'd share this:



I decided to turn my buddy list group names into a poem. I guess i should say that all of my friends inspired me to be poetic. Kinda makes you wonder which line you belong to, doesn't it?

Only one way to find out.

*cough* IM me. *cough*

see? see? when I say shit i'm "I am beyond words" I mean it. I haven't written in like.. um.. three days. Ok.. so it's not really that long ago, but hell, three days of me not writing in the blog is pretty viscious. I didn't even have a reason not to. Usually i'm in like maryland or traveling around or just too busy to, but this time, i was just hangin out goin... durr... blah... ok, dunno what to write, so i won't write.

Still don't know what to write about. There's been something on my mind that I don't choose to express at the moment. And well, maybe I will someday, but like I said a long time ago. This blog may be a personal journal, but it's biased.

Just like me.

Like my away message said, "I am beyond words." That's how i feel right now (how come i have this feeling that this will be a really long blog entry?). But, being extroverted is great, but there are times when you have to become introverted and really get to know yourself. Who am I? Who are you? What have I become? What will I be? It's stuff like that which makes the world seem different through your same two eyes.

Careful though, don't get too deep with yourself or you might get depressed. Unfortunately, depression happens alot and most people don't realize it. Not super serious depression, but all the little things add up and it's unhealthy.

So that's why you always take the time you look at yourself and reavaluate yourself. Cuz deep down, you're still the same person. You've just changed a little to make things seem right, since the world changes too. But as long as you have your priorities straight and you still believe in the same stuff you used to, then in my book, you're A-ok.

And if you have changed, then you're a weak willed little bitch ass who deserves to die and burn in hell. BURN ASSHOLE, BURN.

Just kidding.

My other friend brian (not the one legged midget chink brian) made a screen shot for a video game called Neverwinter Nights. It's now featured on Planet Neverwinter.

It's pretty impressive that it made it as a feature, especially since he showed it to me months ago when the game first came out. See, the thing that makes it special is that the picture isn't part of the actual game. He actually CREATED it with the video game editor that comes with the game. Yea, you can't do that shit, neither can I. So give him the fuckin props he deserves.

And here's a direct link for you slow asses that won't see it on the front page in time. Check out his masterpiece.

Impressive? Say yes. Now.

When nothing is left, I still have memories. Positives, negatives, fun times, bad times. You name it, I have it. Sure, I may enjoy my escape through video games, movies, hanging out with friends or whatever else, but in the end, when it's time to retire for the day, I think of everything that I have experienced. Though it's hard to keep the happy moments in my mind, there's always something that will spark the chain reaction. I may remember a person and their particular smile. The one that I may have helped to bring out of them. Then that makes me smile, knowing that I did something nice for someone else, so they could experience the joy that I do everyday. So that can forget about their troubles, like I try to do everyday. And I sigh in relief, knowing that I can sleep a little sounder because I made a difference.

And that's why I'm smiling. Always and forever.

So well, la dee da, bend me over and just give it to me. Of course it had to happen this way. Me, being the nice person that I am, wanted to treat my adoring fans (all 5.3 of you) to something nice for my 4000th hit. So then, who of all people gets that lucky prize? MY FUCKING CLOSEST FRIEND OF TWELVE YEARS. (His name is Brian. He lives in philly. Find him and kill him.) And I know he was on the page every day, clicking and clicking, hoping to be that mother fuckin 4000th person so he could rub it in my face and own me for a few hours while I had to be nice to him and treat him to something just cuz i fucking said I would. He even said that to me face. What an ass.

So yea, that concludes my "Brian you are a bastard and NOT a pretty female adoring fan that I could have suckered onto a date with me" speech. Happy 4000th hit breakthrough to me! Pretty kool right? That means in about one year, you people have read about my life 4000 times. I'm freakin impressed. That's awesome considering the fact that I only have 2 friends and a slightly mutated midget with one leg as friends. Wow. And yes, Brian is the slightly mutated midget with one leg. But that doesn't mean I have to be nice to him. Fuck him and his midget self.

In other news, my weekend was highly stressed out considering that the house may or may not be officially broken up. I don't know what's going to happen now, but from what I heard, everything might work out. Sorry guys for the trouble, but all I wanted to do was talk about how we could work together and come to some kind of compromise on the recent chaos in the house.

Oh yea, also watched Signs, great movie. Go watch it, I won't spoil it for you.

Time to make like a treaty and peace out.

Who's going to be my 4000th hit? Email me at Mystic511@hotmail.com if you're my 4000th, and i'll buy you dinner. Of, if you're a guy, in order for us to not be gay, i'll find some other way of rewarding you. *wink wink, nudge nudge* what? I just said we weren't going to be gay, what are you afraid of?

And if you're not local, then I will definately find some way of rewarding you. How about my autograph? No? well, i'll think of something, so if you're my 4000th.. send that email. I promise you that you'll love my presents. Ask anyone who's ever received something from me. =)

Ok, two issues to talk about before I forget:

First, i've noticed that asian women (yes, since i don't talk to people of any other race *said with great sarcasm*), USUALLY have more guy friends then girl friends. My main conclusion is that they have all equally realized that girls are evil and therefore, hate associating with their own kind. The other conclusion is that they are all boy crazy and like to be surrounded by lots of guys, since it makes them feel better for not being able to hook a solid catch of a boyfriend (be it they are too picky, too imperfect themselves, or they're just plain ugly). Of course, neither of these two conclusions will a girl admit to be true. The third reason, that they'll probably use most willingly is that there are just too many guys and not enough girls to be friends with. Though it may be true, I think the first two reasons play a large part in it.

Second, I really hate small talk. Sure, i'm guilty of saying the same things over and over. "Hi. What's up, how are you? Got class? What are you up to later? Who'd you screw yesterday? Yea, you're mom was pretty good last night" Ok, so maybe not those last two things (though I do say them), but you know what I mean. And who said that if you're in the same room as somebody you know that you have to talk to them? Why is it, that I need to feel uncomfortable if i don't engage in some form of small talk while I'm in the room someone else who I know? Of course, it's only with people i'm aquanted with. When i'm with my close friends, i never feel the need to chit chat. I just roll up, give them the finger (to acknowledge that i've seen them), and then sit down and chill.

So then, what i'd like to say is "Hey, I'm just sayin hi, don't really have much else to say to you, but i just wanted you to know that I acknowledge your presence. Now, if you wanna have a philosophical argument with me or wanna plan a time to chill together or tell me i'm hot (please, girls only), then sure, i'll stay a while and talk with you, but other then that, i'm conversationally drained and would not like to engage in small talk. And if you insist on asking me questions like how am i doing or what have i been up to lately, then I will just kindly point you in the direction of my Blog. Thank you! Drive through."

Wouldn't that be simple? Yes, a mouthful. That's why we need some kind of symbol to mean everything I just said. How about eye contact, a smile and a nod? Maybe a cutesy wave for the girls. But there, that's eye contact = "Hey, I see you." smile = "Hi, your presense makes me happy" and nod = "Ok, fuck you read the above cuz i'm done."

Now, the world should read this so we can end small talk and perhaps, use those precious minutes to develop more intimate bonds with our acquantences.

*Smiles and Nods*

Alright, I'm really confused at the moment. In my computer science class, we just finished talking about this one subject... but when i checked on the website, it said there was a midterm on thursday. Well, I don't remember covering the subject in detail, so now i'm stuck between skipping class or not. I don't know if he updated the webpage to reflect a new midterm date, or if he just decided to test us on it anyway.

I dont' want to bomb it, but I do have other things to do during that time slot. What? you think I care about school? HA. I must meet with a pretty lady for lunch, and then I must meet another friend who's coming over Das House to das chill with das me.

I also think i'm being overly obsessive with miniatures like I was overobsessive with cars... if this keeps up, that means it'll just take one bad experience to ruin it, much like my setbacks in my car have ruined my overall fanatism with those fine pieces of metal. (Weird, went from large pieces of metal that were nicely painted to small pieces of metal that are nicely painted. heh.)

Well, sleep time.