Here is part four of my story:
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I clenched the phone in my hand and felt the sweat building up around my ear, lubricating the inside of the earpiece with its liquid fear. The ringing of the dial tone provided realistic background music for the flashback of my day. It was a highly stressful and with a large helping of nerve racking internal conflict in my mind and a side of doubt and negativity thrown in.
During the day, I do not even remember what I did. It was just a simple day, running monotonous errands just like the current monotonous buzzing in my right ear. My body during that time was just a programmable shell that did the necessary objectives in order for a human being to survive in the world. My mind had wandered off to what I would be doing that night.
I questioned my decisions and my actions. In my mind, I imagined how the conversation would go. I rewound, fast forwarded, and edited line after line, word after word until I felt that I had it just right, though my brain would hesitate and tell me it would not work, and forced me to do it again.
Now, in front of the phone, I was already mentally exhausted from talking to her so many times already, though no conversation had actually happened. My hand shook on its own as I tried to dial her phone number. My eyes darted back and forth, triple checking the numbers she had written down while I meticulously pushed in the numbers on the phone pad.
The buttons chimed their responses, and soon, the phone began to ring. With the first ring, my hesitation was soon masked by the adrenaline of the moment. Fight or flee, nature’s predetermined instincts forced me to choose. I chose to fight, and I stayed to meet my destiny.
On the second ring, my confidence held. I would not fail my objective this day. Though on the third, negativity pushed its way into my mind. Even the excitement of the moment of hand could not keep it away. On the fourth I froze, feelings of doubt mixed with thoughts of her not being home won. With a click of the phone, I fell onto my bed, defeated.
Four rings, I usually stopped at four. Four being the typical number of rings before an answering machine automated a response. It was an illusion of a real person and always fooled me into believing a real person had answered. I did not need that false hope with her.
I picked the phone back up. I would not be defeated tonight. My fingers began pressing the phone pad without hesitation. The phone began to ring. I took a deep breath.
Before the first ring even finished, a voice answered chimed in its welcome.
“Hello?”
My mind blanked out.
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For those of you who haven't been keeping up and would like to read the rest of the story without having to search through my archives, i've conveniently posted up all four parts on my brand spankin new XANGA site. *GASP*. Don't ask me if i'm switching over, i don't know yet. I don't really like the way Xanga is set up.
See all parts of the Story here
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I clenched the phone in my hand and felt the sweat building up around my ear, lubricating the inside of the earpiece with its liquid fear. The ringing of the dial tone provided realistic background music for the flashback of my day. It was a highly stressful and with a large helping of nerve racking internal conflict in my mind and a side of doubt and negativity thrown in.
During the day, I do not even remember what I did. It was just a simple day, running monotonous errands just like the current monotonous buzzing in my right ear. My body during that time was just a programmable shell that did the necessary objectives in order for a human being to survive in the world. My mind had wandered off to what I would be doing that night.
I questioned my decisions and my actions. In my mind, I imagined how the conversation would go. I rewound, fast forwarded, and edited line after line, word after word until I felt that I had it just right, though my brain would hesitate and tell me it would not work, and forced me to do it again.
Now, in front of the phone, I was already mentally exhausted from talking to her so many times already, though no conversation had actually happened. My hand shook on its own as I tried to dial her phone number. My eyes darted back and forth, triple checking the numbers she had written down while I meticulously pushed in the numbers on the phone pad.
The buttons chimed their responses, and soon, the phone began to ring. With the first ring, my hesitation was soon masked by the adrenaline of the moment. Fight or flee, nature’s predetermined instincts forced me to choose. I chose to fight, and I stayed to meet my destiny.
On the second ring, my confidence held. I would not fail my objective this day. Though on the third, negativity pushed its way into my mind. Even the excitement of the moment of hand could not keep it away. On the fourth I froze, feelings of doubt mixed with thoughts of her not being home won. With a click of the phone, I fell onto my bed, defeated.
Four rings, I usually stopped at four. Four being the typical number of rings before an answering machine automated a response. It was an illusion of a real person and always fooled me into believing a real person had answered. I did not need that false hope with her.
I picked the phone back up. I would not be defeated tonight. My fingers began pressing the phone pad without hesitation. The phone began to ring. I took a deep breath.
Before the first ring even finished, a voice answered chimed in its welcome.
“Hello?”
My mind blanked out.
----------------------------------------------------
For those of you who haven't been keeping up and would like to read the rest of the story without having to search through my archives, i've conveniently posted up all four parts on my brand spankin new XANGA site. *GASP*. Don't ask me if i'm switching over, i don't know yet. I don't really like the way Xanga is set up.
See all parts of the Story here
posted by Allen M @ 9/07/2002 01:42:00 AM
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