The worst part of living life by the standard that you shouldn't talk about other people.. is the fact that when you do talk about other people, no matter how innocent it may seem at the time, it turns around to bite you.

Well, I can't say i'm sorry, I can't say I really care. I just know that if people think i'm F'ed up or whatever, then it's there own personal opinion. Call me a bad person, call me scum... but just don't call me a bad friend.

I really hate to try to define being a "good friend" and I know everyone's opinion of friendship is different. But how many people do you know who:

Sleeps on the floor of his own house, because his friend lives in his house now after getting kicked out?
Drives an hour and cuts school to visit someone, to make sure they were ok?
Goes over someone's house just to yell at them for getting sick and give them medicine and cough drops?
Stays up until 5 in the morning editting essays for procrastinating friends?
Gives out christmas presents (of some sort) to people, even though he knows he isn't going to get anything back?
Worries so much about his friends that he can't sleep at night?

Right. Of course you can say nobody told me to do these things, so why would i want to be appreciated for them. Well, i'm not seeking appreciation. I do it because I care, and because i'm willing to make sacrifices for other people. I just want you to understand.

In the end, there are always cases were too much sacrifices were made, and people were hurt in the process. Well, i'm sorry, but those are the kinds of compromises I decided in that split second when I had to make a decision. I had to choose.

You can't make everyone happy in this world. But for those I do make happy, I try to make them really happy.

So go ahead. Tell me i'm a bad friend. But not before you look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you deserve me as a good friend.

You know when you go through the UP part of life? well, i reached that point a while ago, and now i'm going back down. down down down. ARgh.

I think it's because of the mentality of Christmas season and blah blah.. but, i'm really lonely right now.

Oh so very lonely.

I must have done something right. I can't really explain it any other way. I don't know what to say about it yet, mostly because I don't know what to make of it. But when it happens, oh, trust me, I'll say it.

In other news... work is beginning to be a hassle. The attendance lady is saying something about us never being around. Well, I don't blame us. I blame them. We really have nothing to keep us busy besides one project that we have already stated that we couldn't complete given our level of expertise. We have no guide, we have no leadership. I feel like a little lost child within the corporate government ladder.

I'm trying to make the best of it, but I really don't know what else to do. I mean, sure, give me a project I can complete, and I'll stay here. Give me something exciting that is exactly like what i *THOUGHT* i applied for, then sure, I'll even be here on time. But when you can't give me anything to do, and then expect me to be here on time to work? Work? what work? Oh yea, that's the problem, there's nothing for me to do.

It's almost as bad as school. The only reason i'm even slightly sane is because I'm getting paid for it.

I'm still seeking it. It's getting closer. I can feel it, almost taste it. You know what i'm talking about: that special someone. I'm still very afraid of rejection. I don't like to advance without having a lighthouse sized advance warning.

I've been hurt too many times already. I don't want to risk anymore of my own soul, mind, and heard. Granted, alot of the hurt comes from me doing something to hurt myself, but it's not always the case. How to avoid both now.. that is a hard question to answer.

So what lies ahead for me? Who is out there that cares to take the risk?

Applications are being accepted: Mystic511@hotmail.com =T

9:30 club. Best club ever. When I first walked in, I was very impressed at the setup. And then... the moshpit started, and beer got all over my clothes and hair. Stupid morons.

Whoever invented the moshpit should die.

Ok, let's go watch our favorite band perform LIVE, and then instead of paying attention to the music, let's throw elbows and run around in a circle like we just snorted some coke before coming to the concert. Oh yea, push everyone in the crowd too so that they'll want to participate in the action. Even girls, cuz even though they're tiny, they're secretly urging to want to be beat up.

I had to save this girl and her boyfriend from the moshpit. Yea, he was embarrassed. And I probably could have made the girl my bitch. But the guy was really nice and appreciated the help, so I respected him.

The Get Up Kids are great. Listen to their music. Yea, it's rock/emo/punk, who cares. I say it's good, so obey me. It was their last concert of the year, so they really did alot to impress their fans.

And.. i discovered standing for long periods of time really kills my back.

Remember kids, don't play in traffic.

Life is so full of complications. Optimistically: It's something to do. Pessimistically: GOD DAMN IT, THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME. Realistically: Yea, ok, it's just part of my life.

So anyways, we all know some event spurs my journal entry, and i usually proceed on a tangent based on what happened. And I tell you, this time probably won't be any different. So just bare with me and feel ¿MyStiFieD?

TicketMaster SUCKS anthrax through a twisty straw. They freakin said they sent me my tickets for the concert I am suppose to go to tonight.. but i don't freakin have the tickets. I freakin call them, and they said they can't be held responsible, because they're a reseller, and that one they send the tickets, it's no longer their concern. So i started freakin out on her.. and asking if i could get a refund, or find some way of going.. and she keeps saying no no no.. and finally she's like, you could try calling the club and seeing if they'll honor you. And i was just like.. goddamn it, why didn't you say that earlier.

And to foil how much ticket master sucks... I call the club, and I say I didn't get my ticket. They ask me for a little bit of info, and they say, ok, just bring your id and we'll make sure you get in. Thirty Second phonecall, no BS or anything. Yes, 9:30 club in DC rocks my socks. Only bad part is they trust ticket master. *GAG BARF.. fuggin bastards*

And there's other things that are complicating my life.. but now that i think about it.. i probably shouldn't mention it yet.. because I might be wrong. And I'm never wrong. Ok... well... like... 99.9999 percent never wrong.

Yes, a day in the life of me... so rewarding... yet so difficult. If you were me and I were you and we were not a part of this world, you'd probably wouldn't be able to handle the me-ness of it all.

<-------------- Picture. So no more emails and random IM's threatening my life because I didn't put one up. We kool? Kool.

So now.. I just emails and random IM's threatening my life because you want MORE pictures.

Well... you can ask nicely. Really.. I'll show you pics.

Today's ¿MyStiFieD? topic: Webcam Girls.

An ever elusive breed of woman, these girls put up there life (the one they want other people to see anyway) onto a webpage and couple it with pictures that they change on a daily basis.

I'm jealous. If i was a fuggin girl, I'd be a webcam girl.

Why? One. They have a WISHLIST. And people actually BUY them stuff off of this wishlist! Who the hell does that? "Hi, now that you know me, you can fall in love with me cuz you never met me, and oh! here! look! I have a list of things that you can buy for me to make me happy! Of course, it's your choice to buy me things, so that makes you DUMB!"

Yes, i'd like to take advantage of dumb people.

Two? Some of these girls are worshipped. Seriously worshipped. I mean, I know there are alot of dumb guys out there who need to worship somebody, but how can you worship somebody you never met. Ok, you've seen her... ok, you've read about her life... Ok... I still don't get it.

I mean, yes, I agree. There is something about those webcam girls that make you want to worship them. But seriously, I doubt I could EVER get anyone to be ME anything.

So yes, i'm jealous. I want to be a webcam girl. But I can't. So i'm going to try to be the first successful webcam guy.

I'm all for equality... and for people buying me things.

I've noticed that I've become a major major budget shopper. I mean.. i am still an impulsive buyer... and probably being a budget shopper just gives me more reasons to buy more things. Yea.. it sucks to be me.. but at least I'm helping to stimulate the economy. I can't say the same for YOU, you money hoarding conservative, yankee hating confederates. BLAH!

But anyway... yea... i used to be all about top of the line... let's go all out.. I gotta get the best... But now it seems more like I just need enough to get by. Ask me six months ago what kind of computer I was going to get.. .and I bet you i would have said everything top of the line costing me about 3000 bucks. But now... ask me.. and I'll probably just say i need to upgrade one or two things on my computer right now, and I'll be set for the next half a year or so. I'm even just planning to build a budget computer for kicks.. it would probably only be a little better then my computer right now... but it'll only cost me 400 bucks.

And even with my car... When I first got it, I wanted everything that was the best: Best brand name, best performance, best known, best color, everything. Now, after feeling the wrath of a bank account that seems to never go above 900 dollars... I am learning to deal with budget parts and custom mods. More speed? Buy a 40 dollar air filter and drill in some custom holes for better air. 400 dollar adjustable height coilover springs to lower my car? Psha.. forget it... 100 bucks for used springs that can't be adjusted.

Ok ok... so yea.. one of my belts is squeaking and i went all out and bought a new part.... but you know... i'm nearing my 60 mile tuneup... so everything needs to be replaced sooner or later... Might as well do it now since i have problems.

Yes... I just wrote all this to convince myself what i'm doing is right. Feel free to contact me and tell me so.

Next step... set up a wishlist so all my adoring fans can send me things and tell me how cute i am! =D

Oh my oh my... i just had an outrageous weekend. Well.. nothing went the way I planned, but on the sheer randomness factor, it was completely amazing. An experience I'd like to try to have again.

Ow... my pinky hurts.

Anyway.. friday night, we leave for philly. We go and have fun... the people I thought i was going to chill with ended up not being able to chill with me. A little fault on my side since i called them a little too late.

Saturday, it starts to rain. I hate ran. And it starts getting colder. I don't hate cold, but i hate cold when it comes after 70 degree weather... yea... from 70 to 40 is a pretty big jump. I went back to Atlantic City to get some things done... didn't really work out in the cold or rain. But we did end up having many many boys and girls in one bathroom at my house doing different things.. including showering and pooing. Yea.. i guess we really are a family. hehe.

Sunday, went back to philly, had fun seeing some of my Upenn buddies... then a group of my drexel mates and I went to Hooters to watch WWF wrestling on free pay per view and eat lots and lots of hooters buffalo wings... yea! Hooters! (in more ways then one.)

WWF Vengeance was truly awesome. It was as unpredictable as any pay per view main event i've ever seen. Or maybe it was just the atmosphere of sitting around in a large crowd who all loved WWF that made it a fun experience... or maybe it was both. But no matter.. it was well worth it.

I'd like to be able to say that there are those people who I know in my life that don't affect me in any way whatsoever. That what they say or do, what they decide, and what they plan have nothign to do with me. I'd like to say most of the time it's true. I'd like to say I just don't really care. I'd like to say is it afterall, their own lives, and they should just live and let live. But I can't. Blame this thing i have.. it's called a soul. And it won't leave me alone.

But I'd like to thank the one percent of the people that I know who decided to show ill will towards ME for trying to help out. To say things to ME or about ME when they go about their usually self-depreciative living and their own utter demise. Thank you for targeting ME and using ME as an escape and a scapegoat after I tried my best, extended my helping hand, and pulled you up from the dark.

Time for a mystified analogy. I see someone hanging over a pot of boiling oil by a rope that's about to break. She is sleeping. She doesn't know what kind of predicament she's in. I go to save her. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. The times I don't, the person wakes up just in time to see ME hanging over her with that broken rope in my hand. And then proceeds to boil in hell and blames me for everything.

So what? In the end it's my fault? I shouldn't try to be nice then? Sit back and watch her fall, and then let her contemplate in purgatory or whatever hell she ends up in about how it is that she deserved to be in her situation? Or take a chance and try to save that person from hell?

Fine. Whatever. I'd like to say one thing though to everyone who reads my blog, even the people that do not know me personally: Think about that one person who is always there for you. That one person who always knows what is best, even though you didn't ask him or her for help or even wanted it. Think about when you figured out you should have listened, but you didn't. Think about how you didn't want to acknowledge you were wrong. Think about how much you appreciated that person after the matter. Think about how that person is still there for you, knowing that you won't listen, but still there to help and assist. Think about that one person who always answers your cries of help, unspoken or not.

Now think about that person if he wasn't there.

I'm sooo running out of things to do at work. I think i visited every sight i ever wanted to. Well, the ones that I can view in public... if you know what i mean. Sure you don't. You sicko.

But as I was entering blogger.. i saw on the list of links they always have for bloggers that were just updated. The one that caught my eye: Real Women Don't Fake Orgasms. Interesting read to say the least. They didn't post any pics up though, so at least they have some taste... but, it can only make me think about how horrid and disproportioned those women are to need to write about things like that. (And yes, i HAVE posted my pics up on this blog before. So pbbbttt)

And... on a side note... some people are just really unorganized when they write. I've helped proofread three or so papers within the past few weeks, and well... don't get me wrong.. some are pretty decent.. and some... well... hmm... how to say this nicely... well... i can't.. so i guess i won't say it at all. *cough* it sucks *cough*. But they are my friends.. so i bite the bullet and try to make things better.

Yea.. i'm getting sick too.. but hopefully that won't affect my lovely trip to Philly this weekend.

In other news, I was thinking about ways of attracting more people to read my blog. Obviously talking about my life isn't going to do it, because I censor too many things so that I don't accidentally spread rumors and lies of other people. I don't care if people talk about me. I'm sure everyone does anyways.

But ways of getting more hits? I thought about getting naked. I mean, those girls with webcams seem to be able to get hits fairly easily. Be hot, show skin, pretend to be cute and funny. Then set up an amazon wish list and have your obsessive psycho fans buy things for you. Too bad i'm a man. I'm sure it wouldn't go to well. (Wait.. why does he have a picture of salami up? Um... er... OH *BLEEP* =O)

Knowing my luck, i'd probably be the center of attention to the Gay Community.

Hell, as long as people buy me stuff, i guess it's all good right? ... right? O.o

While discussing with some friends today about their college essays, I came to some jarring conclusions about life. Feel free to read about it. You know you want to: Indentify and be ¿MyStiFieD?

Ethics is purely and simply defined as “A set of principles of right conduct”. It is simply put, and yet, it is the simplest part. To actually identify ethics in today’s modern society is rather difficult, if not impossible. There is no way to justify who is right and who is wrong. There are too many gray areas cast in the shadows of wrong and right. And if those gray areas cannot be shaded properly, then who is the one to judge ethics and values of a single person, let alone a whole nation?

One main example is speeding. The law says it is wrong. Of course speeding is wrong! Reckless speeds can cause accidents. A person’s car could be destroyed. So can other people’s cars and property. Even lives are at stake. The people who drive in the streets disagree. Sixty-Five miles an hour on the highway means, on the most part, a general rule of thumb of seventy-five miles an hour. It is almost standard on interstates down to the most remote local roads. It is a decision made by the driver at that very moment. He must decide on what is dangerous, and what is in his realm of safety. He decides what is right, and usually, that means getting home a little faster.

Another example would be smoking. It is bad for your health. It is against God’s morals. It culturally makes the person seem like he does not have any class. But then again, it is only in this culture where this ideology is presented. European countries and other foreign countries have allowed smoking to run rampant through the streets. In Europe, smoking is allowed within movie theatres. That is an unheard of policy within the United States. It’s differing acceptance in so many cultures makes it hard to properly identify an ethical value on the situation.

On the same note, alcohol consumption varies by culture. So does body art and body piercing. Even the simplest ideas of sushi and eating raw uncooked fish vary from culture to culture. One hundred years ago in America, one would most likely be stared at rather peculiarly for enjoying a bite-sized nibble of raw fish. Today it’s widely accepted as the artistic and worldly thing to do. Even the way people dress, the way people act, and the way people talk can be marked by some sort of ethics.

Quo Vadimus? Society as a whole cannot judge ethics and set a standard. After all, the United States is the melting pot of the world, with freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and freedom of individuality streaming through the blood of its citizens. There are just too many people in this society who believe in different things. One person’s wrong is another person’s right. To disagree on the matter would be to seem closed minded on the situation. And in the end, that is the only thing one can truly be ethically wrong at. (In this society of course).

I've come to the realization on why i use Google as my main search engine: It's really easy to type it in. Altavista? AskJeeves? Lycos? tooooo hard. Yahoo? too crappy.

But anyways... Life proceeds as normal. Things are on my mind, but nothing that'll bug me too much. I'm kind of glad that my car is taking up most of my thought process. It's my escape. Everyone needs one. And what's wrong with my car you say? It's squeaking alot, and i'm trying to upgrade parts instead of just replacing them. More bang for the buck. I like speed. I really do.

I forgot everything i was going to say... cuz i started watching a movie.... short attention span. Yes. I admit it. And the first step to recovering is admitting you have a problem.

To be a master of anything, it requires a certain amount of dedication. Because of this, I find myself always lacking in one thing while I try to do more of another. For example, right now I am stuck on my car. All I do is read about it, dream about it, think about it, and talk about it. It's gotten to the point where I hardly play video games anymore, because I'd rather be learning more about my car.

Gasp, me without video games is like Peanutbutter without the Jelly. It works... but it sure doesn't sound right.

So how do i go about correcting the situation at hand? Forgo sleep and staying up 19 hours and sleeping 5 has been what I've been doing.

But even so, those are just two such examples of things I'd like to accomplish, but I haven't because i've been stuck on it.

Here's a list of other things i'd like to accomplish in my day that I don't think I've been doing. As always with a ¿MyStiFieD? stamp of approval:

Go Xmas shopping.
Spend time with friends and loved ones.
Make my webpage and keep it updated.
Watch movies and anime.
EAT.
BREATH.
BATHE.

Well, maybe not the last three, but you know, sometimes they seem like they are worthy sacrifices in the mad mad world of the Mystic.